OSBORN

27 Weeks.

2011-11-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Piper,

Hi sweet girl. How is life in my tummy? From out here it sure seems like you are enjoying yourself. In fact, it seems like a constant party going on in there. You are a kickin' fool. And I love it. I never have to worry about you. With your brother, I used to give my belly a little nudge at least once a day, and he would kick back, and then I would know that everything was ok. But with you, there's no guess work. I can't go more than 5 minutes without feeling you thrashing about. Thanks for the piece of mind Pipes. Much appreciated my love, much appreciated.

So, you are 27 weeks today. It's crazy to me how fast you are growing. I think we're pretty much to the point where you could survive on your own if you decided to come super early. (But please don't. I'd rather you stayed in there and baked a little bit longer so you'll be nice and healthy.) I am getting so excited for you to get here. We've got lots of changes going on, and we can't wait to have you in on the action!

We are in the process of moving to a new house. If all works out as planned you'll be welcomed into a house that is all our own. For a while now Daddy, me, and Van have been living with Nannie and Grandpa. It's been a good ride, but it's time for us to get out of their hair and have our own space. I am so excited for the new house. But with a new house come LOTS of stress. We are supposed to be moving sometime in December and you are supposed to come and join our family sometime early February. Now, I know you're not great with time just yet so I'll just go ahead and tell you...that is NOT a lot of it. (Time, that is.) I want to get your room perfect for you, just like I did for Van before he came. But there's so much to do! I'll do my best though love. I promise.

Sometimes, it still doesn't seem real to me that you are coming. My little girl. What will you be like? What will you look like? You'll understand this feeling when you are ready to have your own kids, but there is nothing like it. No way to describe it. It's like all of the anticipation of every Christmas Eve night rolled into one. I already love you, and I cannot wait to meet you. For the time being, would you mind telling all our family and friends up in Heaven that we love them and we miss them? (Tatum, Aunt Amy's doggie, is a new addition. Look for her, and give her a squeeze from us.)

Well love, your brother is sitting on my lap right now and he says, "HIIIIII!" (Literally, that's how he says it--he yells it. Especially when he's excited about the person he's saying hi to.) Honey, we are all excited to have you join us down here. And we hope you like us.

Love you around the world and touching.

Love,
Mama

It's a...

2011-09-14T12:24:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while. And to make it worse, it's been a while and I left you all with a depressing post the last time. haha. Oh, the drama! But that's pregnancy for you. I promise I'm not a drama queen. (really, I promise)

I have wonderfully exciting news to share with those of you who don't already know...

WE ARE HAVING A GIRL!

I can't even explain how excited we are. Although, I can't say that I'm altogether surprised. Van knew all along. Big brothers are like that. For the last couple months, I've been trying to teach him to be gentle with my ever growing tummy. We've learned to "kiss the baby", "say hi to the baby", and "give the baby a GENTLE high five". He's been precious. And every single time I've asked him if it's a boy or a girl (doesn't matter how I phrase it) he says, "GRR".

I have to admit, in the beginning I was wrong. As soon as I found out we were pregnant, I just assumed it was a boy. That's what I know. When you're pregnant, it's a boy. UNTIL all the drama started happening. Bleeding? Bed rest? What? This has to be a girl. And ever since then, I've never wavered. I just knew. I never had that with Van. I think I was secretly nervous to say what I thought it was either way. I mean, if you think it's a boy and it turns out to be a girl--what kind of mother are you? I'm much more secure in the type of mother I am this time around. I'm a silly, cuddly, (sometimes) impatient, can't get enough, gotta squeeze him all the time kind of mother.

So, what you're all dying to know....the name.

I know that a lot of people would be nervous to say the name of their baby before it's born (especially on their non-private blog), but I can't help it. We did the same thing with Van. As soon as we found out he was a boy, we knew what his name would be. And I called him by name throughout my entire pregnancy. It makes it feel more real to me, and it makes me feel closer to them. And as far as the ever dreaded name stealing issue: If you steal my name, I know who you are. Someone already stole my next boy name, but I don't care. I'm using it anyway because I thought of it first. haha.

Anyway, back to more important topics. Her name will be Piper Nicole Osborn. We both love it. It's sentimental for Clayton. Some of Clayton's best childhood memories are flying airplanes with his dad. It hasn't happened yet, but he's never given up the dream of becoming a pilot just like his dad was. And he never will. Their airplane was called a Piper Cub. It's Clayton's dream to own one. One day it will happen, but for now we're both completely satisfied to have our own little Piper.

The story of how we told everyone:

My parents and Clayton's family are all out of town, so we just told them over Skype. (Booooring, I know.) So, I decided to have a gender reveal party for my siblings. I hollowed out a bunch of cupcakes and filled it with pink filling, and then I iced them in blue and pink. I had everyone pick which color they thought it was: boy or girl. Then, we all bit into them at the same time to find out what color was inside. Surprise! It's a girl :)

Yum!

The PINK filling.

Blue and Pink icing.

Hollowed out cupcake.

In goes the filling.

Cover it back up.

All done and ready for the surprise!

It was such a fun night full of all kinds of surprises. (wink, wink) Now, I have to get myself into baby mode. I guess I'm still in baby mode. Never really had time to get out of it! I'm so excited that Piper will have her big brother to look out for her and make her tough. I know he'll be just awesome at that. Two kids. When in the world did I get old enough to have two kids? I love it.

Dear Piper,

Hi love. It feels good to give you a name, my precious little Piper. We are so excited that you are on your way. Right off, I owe you an apology. I haven't written you many letters yet. I have to be honest and tell you that I was afraid. I was scared to death that we were going to lose you. Part of me didn't want to get my hopes up, and then have my heart broken if you weren't ready to come down to us yet. But you are strong. You are doing so well, and growing every day. The doctor told me that everything was going to be fine, and I'm trusting him.

When we went to the doctor to find out what you were, I already knew that you were a girl. I just felt it. Your big brother knew too. He says hi to you all the time and gives you kisses. Do you hear it? I know he remembers you from up in Heaven. He seems so excited when we talk about you, and I can just see it in his eyes, "She's coming down already?!" I hope you know how much we all already love you. You are the missing piece we've been waiting for.

When the doctor had your picture up on the ultrasound screen, Van was waiving and saying hi and he blew you a kiss. He loves you. I hope that you will always look out for each other. Always stay close. You will be able to keep each other strong and you will be each other's light when everything else seems dark. I can promise you one thing, you couldn't have asked for a better big brother. I'll warn you, he'll probably be rough. He likes to tackle and wrestle, but you can be tough, right? I don't know why I'm telling you all this. You're probably thinking, "Mom, relax. I KNOW all this. He's my brother, remember?" I know, I know.

It's funny, you are kicking the bajeezes out of me as I'm writing this. I just told you hi and that I love you. Did you hear it? I hope so. Piper, my girl. I still can't believe it. You'll be here in less than 5 months. I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to hold your tiny hands, and kiss your cheeks. (I do too much of that, just to warn you. Van can attest to that. Sorry, but I seriously can't help it. It's a real problem.) I promise to write you more letters. I think about you constantly, now I just have to put it on paper....or screen. haha. You get my point.

Well love, we'll talk soon. More important than that, we'll SEE each other soon. Ohh, can't wait. I love you baby girl, all the way around the world and touching.

Love,

Mama

Out of Sorts.

2011-07-29T16:28:00.000-07:00

This week has been...rough for me. I don't want this to come off as a "Woe is me. My poor life." kind of post because I know that my blessings are many. I know that my life is amazing. But sometimes life is just...rough.

Right now, I'm under orders from the doctor to "only get up when necessary, relax, and not lift anything over 20 pounds" (which includes Van, by the way.) After a second visit to the ER due to more bleeding (and a OB out of town for the week), we found out that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage. It was basically explained to me that part of the placenta has torn away from the uterine wall. This problem can do one of two things: correct itself or result in loss of the baby.

For now, our little one is holding on strong. I pray it stays that way. We are so excited for this baby.

But, I've been aching for my other baby. Since this has happened, the women in my life have completely stepped up. I have amazing family and friends. Every day someone has taken Van for me so that I can rest. I am indescribably grateful. But my heart hurts. I miss my son. I miss his many many kisses throughout the day. I miss his sticky little hands. I miss his voice.

It's got me thinking what in the world I ever did without him. I feel like I've gotten a taste of that this week; what my life would be like if he wasn't here, and I can tell you one thing: I don't want that life. Sure, it was easier. I could sit around and have nothing to worry about but myself. Easier, but empty.

I am so thankful for my son. He's a lot of work, but he's mine. He makes me so happy, and he makes every day more shiny.

Now, I just have to get better so I can put an end to all this. Fingers crossed.

Dear Van,

Hi love. I miss you. I know you've been having fun on all of your play dates, but I can't wait for ours! I love you around the world and touching.

Love,
Mama

Lightening Struck Twice.

2011-07-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

Part of me has been afraid to post this because I don't want to jinx anything. But I just realized that I need to go on faith. And I owe it to this baby to keep a record of my thoughts just like I did with Van. So, here is the letter I wrote to the little one when I found out I was pregnant.

Dear Baby,

Hi my little one. I never thought I would be writing you this letter so soon. I am sitting here in disbelief. I can't believe you're ready to come down so soon, but I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I can already tell that you will be quite different from your big brother. Your dad and I tried to get him to come down to us for over 4 years, and you want to know how long you took? 1 MONTH. Looks like you're just rearing to go. I never thought this would happen, but I'm so happy that it did.

See, your dad and I have always had this picture in our minds of our family. We always wanted you kids to be close. But after years of waiting with Van, we just accepted that it was out of our hands. We knew you would come down when you were ready and when Heavenly Father was ready to let you go. But what do ya know? 18 months apart is pretty close in my book.

I have so many questions in my mind right now. Are you a boy or a girl? Will you look like Van (a replica of Daddy) or will you look like me? What will you be like? I'm so excited to find out. You know what little bit? I think you're pretty lucky. I have some experience this time around. Van had to suffer through it while I tried and failed at so many things as a first time mom. Don't get me wrong, I'll still make mistakes, but at least I've got some clue as to what I'm doing. But who knows, I'll probably take one look at your sweet little face and all my knowledge and experience will fly right out the window. I think Heavenly Father makes it like that on purpose, so we always remember who's really in charge.

But I can tell you one thing for sure. You will have the most amazing big brother. He will love you and watch out for you your whole life. I hope you will be best buds and always depend on each other. My brothers and sisters always kept me where I needed to be. I've leaned on them many times in my life when I didn't know where else to turn. Please stay close to your brother. You will keep each other strong.

Little one, I already love you. I'm so excited for what's to come. Please stay safe in there. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Mama

Perspective.

2011-07-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

I was reading a friend's blog, and came across something that got me thinking.

Elder Orson F. Whitney said: 'No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. … All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.'"

"Someday when we get to the other side of the veil, we want more than for someone just to tell us, “Well, you’re done.” Instead, we want the Lord to say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

Thanks for the reminder MaryAnne.

When we go through hard things, there is always a reason for it.

Waiting.

2011-07-18T12:37:00.000-07:00

My mind is racing, and yet I can't seem to think of anything all at the same time.

What's going to happen?

Was it something I did?

Is there anything I can do?

Why is this happening?

On Friday afternoon, I was rushing around trying to get everything ready for Van's birthday party that night. I wanted everything to be perfect. I had all the presents bought, the decorations were ready, and I was just starting the cake. I had to make a last minute run to Fry's, and when I got home I went straight into the bathroom. (Dang my small bladder. Pregnancy surely doesn't help with that.) And then, the day changed.

Blood. Everywhere. I panicked. I never had one spot with Van. I didn't know what to do. I started bawling, got so upset that I threw up. It came out of nowhere. No pain. No cramps. I called my mom in, and she immediately got on the phone with the doctor. My doctor wasn't in that day, so they told us to go straight to the ER.

We rushed to the ER, only to wait...and wait....and wait. Finally the doctor came. They asked a million questions, gave me an IV, took blood, did exams, and an ultrasound. This was probably the best part of the day. As soon as she put the ultrasound screen where I could see it. I saw the baby. And I saw the heart beating and little arms and legs flailing around. Best sight in the world.

So, at least the baby was alive. But, no answers as to the bleeding. I was sent home with instructions to stay in bed, drink plenty of fluids, and not lift anything. Not lift? I have a one year old. Don't know how I'm going to manage that.

The bleeding continued all day Friday, slowed on Saturday, and pretty much stopped Sunday night. But while the bleeding stopped, the cramping got worse. I'm still having them off and on. For now, I'm just trying to relax (trying) and not think about it. My mom has been Van's surrogate Mama. I'm so thankful for her and for all the friends and family that have been praying for us.

For now, I guess that's all I can do. Pray. And wait.

And Then There Were Two.

2011-07-11T16:05:00.000-07:00

Love,

The Osborns

(party of four)

1 Year.

2011-07-11T16:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Van,

Seriously. Did I just type "1 Year" at the top of this post? I'm not going to lie to you Bub, there have been more than a couple meltdowns as we approached this day. I can't believe my little baby is a whole year old. Like literally. I. CAN'T. BELIEVE. IT. You are getting so big. But no matter how big you get, you'll always be my baby.

The past year has been absolutely indescribable. If someone would have told me all the ways my life would change in a single year, I would have never believed them. Never. You have changed me. And I'll never be able to thank you enough for it.

I now know that it's possible to have someone want to snuggle with you all day...even when you haven't showered. I've learned that I'll use absolutely anything as a toy when I need to. Take keys for instance. Jagged metal Mom, really? You've taught me that all of the things I used to worry and stress over really aren't the things that matter. And I've realized the importance of keeping all of my promises with my Heavenly Father. Because when I look at how perfect and special you are, I'm not taking any chances of something standing in the way of being with you in Heaven forever.

You have been quite the busy little bee this month. Here's what been going on:

You talk like crazy.

You say hi, dog, no no, Mama, Dada, ball, and a few others. I love the sound of your voice. Especially when you say "no no". Your voice goes as deep as you can get it, and you get the most serious look on your face. (Wonder where you got that from...)

You WALKED!

Oh my word. I was the proudest little Mama Bear on the planet. We were at Uncle Keith and Aunt Joy's house, and you walked across the entire living room. You laughed the whole time. I cried.

You give pats.

This is probably one of my faves. When I pick you up, you give me a big bear hug and pat my back. I absolutely love it.

You got your 6th tooth.

I have to say, your teeth are probably one of my favorite things about you. You've got the biggest gap between your front two, and I just think it makes you look adorable.

You got your big boy car seat.

Oh man, talk about a whole new world. I switched you to forward facing a little before I was supposed to, but you had met the weight requirement over a month ago (surprise, surprise). The look on your face was priceless like, "Holy cow! Look what I've been missing this whole time staring at the back of the seat!!"

You found out you're going to be a BIG BROTHER!

What?!? You took so long to get here and your little brother/sister just couldn't wait! I think you are going to be the best big brother any kid could ask for.

Van, you make me proud every day. I feel blessed to have you as my son. The past year has been the best of my life. You are the most precious gift I have ever been given. I love you all the way around the world and touching.

Love,

Mama

This was the "wild man". I had such a hard time admitting to myself that it was time to cut it because I didn't want to cut off those curls in the back that I love so much. I finally toughened up and did it. Then I cried.

Van's first experience with his pool in the backyard. Don't worry, within 2 minutes he was splashing around and loving life.

Well, if there was any doubt left that Van would turn out just like Clayton and I (into everything), he has certainly laid them to rest. Here is my answer. (But look at the smile.)

I'm a big kid now!

One of my favorite pictures ever. Van LOVES to hear Clayton play the guitar and the piano. I hope he inherits that talent from him, because he won't get it from me.

My little Bug-a-boo

This was while I was singing "Happy Birthday" to him. At first, he didn't know what to make of it.

These blues get me every time.

My big boy.

Happy Birthday Bub. I love you!

My Little Pleaser.

2011-05-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

I don't ever want to forget how much I love my son right at this moment. And I don't ever want to forget how much he loves me. He'll do anything to make me smile.

A few minutes ago we were sitting on the couch and Van had the remote in his hand. He accidentally bonked his head with it pretty hard. I try really hard not to be the overprotective parent who freaks anytime their child gets hurt, so I just looked at him and laughed and said, "uh oh".

Seeing my reaction, he looked a little confused at first. He looked at me, then at the remote. Back to me. Back to the remote. And then he bonked his head with it again. He looked at me with this proud grin.

This repeated for the next 30 seconds or so. Every once in a while, he would realize again, "This really doesn't feel good." And he would lay his head on my shoulder and whine a little. But then he would look at me and bonk his head again.

Van has gotten so aware of the things around him, and he loves to make me happy. Even if it comes at his own expense apparently.

Dear Van,

I love you. You make me happy every day.

Love,
Mama

p.s. You don't have to do things to make me smile if they hurt. FYI

p.s.s I love you around the world and touching.

10 Months.

2011-05-13T12:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Van,

Hey love. 10 months. You are 10 months old. I can't wrap my mind around how that's possible. Time is passing too fast. As I write this, you are playing at my feet saying, "Bababababa (spit bubble) Mamamamama (spit bubble, spit bubble) Dodododo." I just can't picture the day when you'll be saying, "Mom, I love you" or "Hey, can I borrow the keys?" or "Do you think she'll say yes?" Those days will come soon enough. But right now, I'm enjoying your innocent babble.

I write you these letters. Every month, I write to you. I hope that one day you'll read them. I write because I don't ever want to forget. I want you to be able to see into this part of our life. The part you won't remember. Because its special. And you can never go back.

I want you to have the best life. To me, that may mean something different than it does for others. I don't care if you have the best clothes or the newest gadgets or the nicest truck in the lot. Those are not the things that matter. To me, the best life means being loved, being honest, being true to yourself, being able to laugh, being grateful, being faithful, and being happy. Those are the things that matter. And nothing else. I hope I'll be able to teach you that.

I hope that you'll look to the good examples in your life to learn how you should live. Look to your Dad when you want to learn how to work hard and play harder. Look to your Nannie when you want to learn how to give and be completely selfless. Look to your aunts and uncles when you want to learn how to be strong in the church. And if you ever need to learn to love yourself...look to me. Because nobody loves you like I do.

This month, you've done quite a bit of learning already. Here's a few of your exciting events:

You are fast as lightening.

I can barely keep up with you kid. Goodness me. It's a good thing you're pretty predictable. If I ever can't find you, I usually just have to wait a few seconds until I hear that little "ping ping" coming from the front room. The piano is your favorite spot in the house.

You know exactly what you can't have...and that's what you want.

Doesn't matter what it is. Let's take a toy, for instance, that you haven't paid any attention to in 3 weeks. If I have it on my lap and say, "No no, that's Mama's" you will practically have a heart attack trying to get it. If I try to give you some food out of your bowl? Not interested. But if I put it my plate, you are all over it. I've tricked you into some mighty big bites of green beans that way. (Don't fight it. They're good for you.)

You had your first taste of juice.

And you loved it. You are funny about temperatures though. You don't like stuff when it's cold. I've probably shot myself in the foot on that one. Always making sure your bottles are nice and warm. You don't like your juice straight out of the fridge. But once it's warmed up to room temperature, you are a fan.

You love bedtime.

Ah, I love this one. When I lay you down in your crib, you just lay on your back and get this huge smile on your face because you know what's coming next. I hold your blanket over you and then spread it over your tiny little body. And....you ATTACK! You grab on it with both arms and both legs and quickly roll to your side to nuzzle into your fluffy friend. Melts my heart.

Van, you are so much fun. You're a LOT of work also, but the fun makes it worth it. Thank you for being my son. Thank you for bringing so much happiness to my life. I couldn't imagine life without you. I love you all the way around the world and touching.

Love,

Mama

Standing on Grandpa's hand. It's....TRADITION!

Look at those teethies. He's got a HUGE gap between the front two. Just like Mama.

Ping ping ping. My future piano player.

Driving on a back country road.

Squeeeeeeze him.

Nannie's idea of fun before bathtime. We laughed for quite a while watching Van look at himself in the mirror like, "What in the world is that?!"

Bub stuck his face in the water and came out with a tiny white beard. He looked so cute.

Love these baby blues.

The day I cleaned out the office. Believe it or not before Van got to this, these were nicely organized piles of books. I couldn't stop him though. It was like he was Godzilla tearing down these massive towers bigger than he was. He looked so proud of his handiwork.

Van, you're a stud.

8 Months.

2011-04-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Van,

Hey love. You are one month older, yet again. Why must you grow so fast? A few friends of mine have had babies recently, and if it weren't for pictures I would never believe that you were ever so tiny. Time has never flown so fast in my life.

Lately I've been thinking back a lot on the day you came to us. Best day of my life. I could never have been prepared for how much my life would change. In an instant. It's the weirdest thing, having a child. It's like I immediately knew you and I immediately loved you. I've never known anything like it before.

You've been sick a lot this month. The worst yet. I can tell that you are just miserable, but you are such a trooper. You still manage a smile when I know you are in pain. That's my little man. Best boy in the world.

There's been quite a bit going on around here lately. Here's a few of your escapades:

You got RSV and a DOUBLE ear infection. Ugh. My poor little V. I wish I could just make it all go away. This has been the worst so far, and let me tell you...it was a doozie. The morning I decided I had enough and it was time to take you in (again), I went in to get you out of bed and you had buggers crusted ALL OVER your nose (on a weird side note, it slightly resembled a Hitler mustache). Anyway, your eyes were almost swollen shut, and it sounded like you could barely breathe. NOT a fun experience for either of us. They swabbed your nose in the Dr. office and sure enough: POSITIVE FOR RSV. (Oh, and of course a double ear infection to go with it because...let's face it--what's one without the other?)

You started CRAWLING!!
And I don't just mean the ARMY style. Oh sure, that came first, but within a couple of days you got it all figured out. Your motivation? Your baby monitor. It lights up (which, of course, is the coolest thing EVER). Once you started, you were a natural. Off like a shot, just like I knew you would be. And into EVERYTHING, just like I knew you would be.

You started pulling up to STAND!
(Sorry for all of the capitalizations and exclamations, but this was an exciting month.) Want to know your motivation for this one? Sam. Yep, the dumb dog. You just love to grab her, which she despises. She was sitting on my lap in the chair, and all of a sudden I hear your little grunts and heavy breathing, and you did it. You stood up!

You got your first bruise.
And your second and your third, and your first fat lip...see where this is going? As your mother, I have had to fight my inner "hover craft" tendencies. Every time I see you standing or even sitting up on the cement, I want to rush over and bring you back to the soft plushness that is our carpet. But I fight it. I know you need to learn for yourself, and I don't want you growing up to be afraid of everything. So, I watch (and bite my nails). Don't get me wrong, I refuse to let you play with fire and sharp objects. I mean, I have to have some boundaries.

We discovered a birthmark.
I don't know why I was so excited about this. I guess I just think they're cool. They're special. Something nobody else has but you. It's a brown spot on your right arm. At first, I thought it was a bruise. Then I thought, "Hmmm....that's not going away. Weird." Nope, it's there to stay, and I love it.

You've got a MILLION nicknames.
Here's a few: Bub, Buba-love, Buba-loo, V, Vanners, Tank, Bob, Sock-y-doo, Socks, Bubbers, Bubbies, Little Van. The list goes on and on... Some are old, some are new, and some you had before you were born.

Van, we love you so much and no matter how many nicknames you have there is always one thing I love to call you. Mine. You complete your dad and my heart in a way that nothing else could. Thank you for being my son. I love you around the world and touching.

Love,
Mama

I can't resist this little guy. Especially in a baseball hat.

When I first found out I was pregnant, it was moments like this that flashed into my mind. Are they as good as I imagined them? Nope. They're better.

Evidence of the first fat lip. Still looks cute though.

This picture breaks my heart. This was the morning we found out he had RSV. I only show this picture for memory sake because I truly hate looking at it. And yes, I wiped his nose.

SUPER V!

Oh my gosh. Squeeze him. That's all I want to do right about now.

That's my happy boy.

Messy meals. Is there any better kind?

Van, we love you. Always.

7 Months.

2011-02-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Van,

Hi Love. Another month has flown by and you continue to amaze me. This month has been so much fun for us. You are no longer the newborn with 3 distinct tasks for the day: eat, sleep, poop. You are so much more than that now. You have gotten to be so much fun lately I can't hardly stand it. It's been a blast seeing your personality come out in a hundred different ways.

One thing that's been hard for Mama this month is how much I've had to work. I absolutely HATE leaving you. Hate it a strong word that you should be very careful with. But I can say that I HATE to be away from you, it's the worst. I'm very lucky that Nannie takes such good care of you when I'm gone. She is such a blessing for both of us. All day long when I'm at work, all I think about is you. I hope you know how much I love you Bub.

I have always loved you. I loved you from the second I saw your little heart beating on the monitor in the doctor's office, to the first time your tiny fist grasped onto my pinky, to the first time you reached out for me when you were in someone else's arms, and I love you now. I'll love you forever. You are so easy to love. I count my blessings every day that you are my son. I made you a lot of promises before you were born. I plan on doing my very best to keep every last one of them. I'm not perfect, and I know at times I might fail. But there is one thing I am an expert at: I know how to love you.

Here's some of your adventures for the month:

You said DADA!
Daddy was so excited. I'm not exactly certain that you know what you are saying yet, but every time we say, "Dada" you repeat it while looking straight at him. It's a good first word if you ask me.

You Wave.
And you're so proud of yourself every time you do it. It's not super controlled yet. More like you are flapping your arms around like a bird. So cute.

You said MAMA!
Now I was excited for this one. I have to admit, I was a little erk'ed at your dad for rubbing it in so much that you said Dada before Mama. I was helping Nannie make her bed after a long day of working, and I was a little down because I had been away from you all day. Nannie said, "Van, say Mama." And you looked right at me and said it, plain as day. I cried. haha

You switched to formula.
This one hits a definite sore spot with Mama. Refer to previous post for the whole sob story. Let's just say, I am not happy.

You stopped nursing.
Again refer to previous post. I can't talk about it.

You ROCK Out!
On your hands and knees that is. You get into crawling position and just rock back and forth. You'll be crawling so soon, I just know it. This is a milestone I'm both looking forward to...and dreading. Time to baby-proof the house!

V, I just love you so much. You make life worth living. Your smiles melt my heart and your laugh is music to my ears. You are growing up so fast, and you are more fun with every day that passes. I don't know what Daddy and I did to deserve such an amazing gift, but I think we'll keep you. Love you all the way around the world and touching.

Love,
Mama

Blowing spit bubbles.

Like I said, melts my heart.

Chewing on Alfred. Another favorite pass time.

Look at those baby blues. Ahhh, I could stare at them all day.

Doesn't he look so innocent. Don't let that grin fool you.

He loves to make messes!

Minor crash while playing airplane. Don't worry, both pilot and airplane came out of it unscathed.

Oh, I just want to squeeze those cheeks.

We love you V. Thanks for being ours.

Firsts.

2011-02-03T19:21:00.000-08:00

Tonight I had to experience the 1st first I was not looking forward to.

Being as this is my first time to experience everything as a mother, I have tried my best to soak up every ounce of every "first". (On a side note, first is starting to sound like a made up word because I've used it too much already. Oh well.)

For the most part I have loved every first. First kick. First time I looked into those precious blue eyes. First time I heard his voice. First time he slept through the night. First time he laughed. First time he sat up on his own. First time he said, "Dada". All good things. Wonderful things actually.

Tonight's first hit a sad note with me: First time to give my little man formula.

I am not at all worried that it's bad for him, nor do I think formula fed babies turn out any differently than breast fed babies. I am just sad because I feel like this is the beginning of the end of nursing my very first child. That is something I am not ready to let go of yet.

For me, nursing has been many things. It's been awkward. It's been natural. It's been painful. It's been empowering. It's been inconvenient at times. But most of all, it has been an amazing bonding experience for me and my son. In the beginning, neither one of us knew what the heck we were doing, but we figured it out together. Those late nights when he needed me. No one else but me. It's special to me.

But I'm sad to say that my supply is not meeting the ever growing demand of my little Tank. So, I'll do what I have to. I know for some this is not a big deal. In fact, I even tell myself that I'm being silly worrying about this so much. But on the other hand, I will never have another first child. This is it. And I try my hardest to hold onto the good things for as long as I possibly can.

Here's to making the good things last.

(On another side note, I make it a point to try everything before giving it to Van--besides my breast milk of course. Carrots= mmm mmm good. Green beans= yuck. Bananas= delish. Squash= not bad. I can say with 100% confidence that formula tastes like shiz. Sorry V.)

My "Big Boy".

2011-01-14T09:47:00.000-08:00

6 Month Well Visit Stats:

Weight: 19 pounds 10 ounces (85 percentile)

Height: 28 inches (90th percentile)

Our doctor was just flabbergasted at my "little" man's growth. He said this is normally the point when babies start to drop a little in the charts and fall to 50-55 percentile. But not my little V. He's flying high at the top of the charts. The funny thing is he's not the least bit "rolly". Sure, he's got the chubba-lub cheeks that I love so much, but he does not have the signature Michelin Man arms and leg rolls. He's just SOLID. Yet another characteristic I attribute to his daddy.

In light of this news, I thought I'd share a little nick name Van has earned over the past couple of months.

Meet Bob's Big Boy.
(I'm not sure if it's the mohawk, the big blue eyes, or that cute little grin, but I get this all the time.)

Do you see it?

6 Months.

2011-01-11T09:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Van,

Hey love. Can you believe it? Because I sure can't. You are half a YEAR old today. SIX MONTHS. I go back and forth on this because sometimes when I think about it I literally cannot believe that much time has passed. It feels like yesterday that we were going to the hospital to have you and just wondering with so much excitement what you would be like. Then on the other hand, it feels like you've been with us forever. I simply cannot remember what my life was like before you were a part of it.

Since your arrival, I have become a master of emotions. (I should clarify: I am a master at EXPERIENCING emotions NOT a master of CONTROLLING them.) At times I have felt stressed, at times calm and collected. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and sometimes completely in control. I've felt completely helpless and I've felt empowered. I feel like I've been pushed beyond my breaking point and realized I could do things I never thought I was capable of. And of all the emotions I have experienced, one stands above all the rest: joy. I have you to thank for that, love. Thank you for always reminding me what matters.

Here are a few things that have kept you busy this month:

YOU ARE SITTING UP!
For Mama, this is a glorious accomplishment. Now that you can sit up, you can play much longer without getting bored. And I can just see the look of accomplishment on your face. You've got a whole new take on the world now.

You got your second tooth.
This one wasn't as hard to break through as #1. Now your smile is that much cuter complete with two razor sharp teeth on the bottom.

You got your first cold.
YUCK! This was not fun. You woke up New Year's morning sick. Runny nose and fever. Not a fun way to start off the new year. Then you passed it right over to Mama. So nice of you to share.

You had your FIRST CHRISTMAS.
I think Christmas this year was more fun for Mama and Daddy than you. We spent it at Aunt Amy and Uncle Dustin's. Santa brought you an awesome toy that you love so much. That's actually what gave you the motivation to start sitting up. You were pretty spoiled and got all kinds of good stuff.

You give High Five's.
I have to give the credit to Nannie and Grandpa for this one. I'm not sure you know exactly what you're doing yet. But you sure do like that thunderous applause you get when you give a little slap to the hand. It's so cute.

You're a copy cat.
We've started this new game, it's great fun. I growl at you, you growl back. Sometimes we play for a half hour or more and you never get tired of it. I love our little games.

Van, I hope that one day you'll read these letters. I hope you'll keep them close to your heart so that you will always know how much I love you. I know I'm not a perfect mom. That simple fact slaps me in the face multiple times a day, but I do know that I'm the perfect mom FOR YOU. And you are the perfect son for me. Me, you, and Dad--we were meant for each other. Having you here with us gives me a glimpse of Heaven, and I can't wait to get there. I love you so much Bub.

Love,
Mama

This is part of our night time ritual. I start the bath water while Clayton gets Van undressed for bath time. He takes off Van's pants and diaper and leaves this turban on his head. They both think it's hysterical. I love my boys.

Van and Bones. They are best buds.

I love these big blue eyes.

Oh, I just want to squeeze those cheeks. (Which I do on occasion.)

In addition to the side sleeping, I've come in a few times to find Van in this position. Cutest thing ever. Complete with a pile of drool.

Bath time!

I have to say, my little brother and my cousins will be the greatest Dads. Anytime Van is upset, they are right there trying to make it all better. Here he is rocking out with the boys and loving it.

First time in his big boy highchair.

CHRISTMAS MORNING!

Merry Christmas. It was so much different (better) this year with a baby. When I was little, I always wondered why my parents would be so happy on Christmas even when Santa didn't bring them anything. Now I understand.

Eating paper. In hind sight, maybe we should have just gotten him a roll of wrapping paper for Christmas. Sure would have been a lot cheaper.

Little V with his haul. That's a lot of presents for one tiny little man.

My favorite sight.

Love my little man.

5 Months.

2010-12-11T19:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Van,

Hey love. You are 5 months old today. Insane. That's all I have to say. You are changing so much with every day that passes. This month started out rough for us and ended pretty darn good. We took you in for a check-up at the doctor and discovered that the ear infection they had found about a MONTH ago was still alive and well in your little ears. I couldn't believe it. An ear infection for a solid month? Poor Bub. No wonder you had been cranky. Apparently the antibiotics they gave you just weren't strong enough. So, it was time to break out the BIG GUNS. And after a second round, I can tell you're feeling much better. Thank goodness.

You have been particularly vocal this month. You really like the sound of your voice. (So do I, so I'm not complaining.) You love to stick your tongue out and blow bubbles and blah bloo blah all day long. Your voice is the sweetest sound in the world.

Mama had to leave you to go to work for the first time this month. I think it was harder on me than it was on you. (You've got Nannie to babysit you and she's the best!) The whole time I was at work, I just kept thinking about you and how much I needed one of your tight squeezy hugs with a spastic kiss at the end of it. Your kisses are the best. They are the stuff dreams are made of. Mouth wide open, slobber everywhere, and you just go for it. I've never seen anything quite like it. Boy, do you love your kisses.

Here's a few things you've been up to this month:

You had your first Thanksgiving.
It was great fun! We went to Grandma Kathy's house for Thanksgiving this year. While we were there, we also celebrated Christmas with her. We had such a fun time hanging out with family. You got a lot of wonderful presents that I know you'll enjoy for many years to come. Aunt Val made you a quiet book for church by hand and it is absolutely amazing. And Grandma K made you a camo and jean blanket that I'm sure will be keeping you warm for many Christmas' in the future. You also had fun getting to know your cousin David a little better. I'm sure you guys will be good buddies. We love the Osborns.

You got your FIRST tooth!
I've got mixed feelings on this one. Teething is hard....for you and mama. It takes a lot of work to get those teeth through. Teething leads to runny noses, runny noses lead to ear infections, and ear infections lead to many sleepless nights for you and mama. It's a vicious cycle. But once you get them through, you sure look cute. Most of the time, we like teeth. When it comes to nursing, that's another story. OUCH! Now, we're working on a new skill: NO BITING MAMA. I'll let you know how that one progresses.

You've become best buds with Great Grandma and Grandpa Larson.
We usually go over to see them every day now that they live in town. You just love them. You stare and smile and spit all day long and they just soak it all up. Grandma calls you her "beautiful boy". For a while there I thought you were going to wait so long to come down that you wouldn't get to meet them. But I'm so grateful that you have because now I can say you know and love two of the most amazing people in my life. The ones who started it all.

You started sleeping through the night....AGAIN.
This was a skill I thought we had mastered a couple months ago. But then, the month from Hades hit and all of our hard work went out the window. But I think we're back on track now. Thank goodness.

You love your tongue.
It is constantly out. Usually you are making some sort of noise and spit is flying about. It's great fun for you and anyone in a 5 foot radius.

You started rolling belly to back.
FINALLY. I've been waiting for this one for months! In most babies belly to back comes before back to belly, but you were the other way around. You started rolling from your back onto your tummy really early. The only problem is you HATE being on your tummy, so this was a cause for great concern. You would flip onto your tummy and get stuck and tantrums would ensue. Now that you have figured out how to get back over, playing on the floor is much more enjoyable.

Last (and probably my favorite) you started sleeping on your side.
Always on the right side. It is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I think it started when you had the ear infection, and maybe side sleeping made it more comfortable on your little ears. And then I guess it just became habit. Whatever it was, I hope it never stops. I've never seen a baby sleep on their side and I think it's absolutely adorable.

Well, this month being December, I've been thinking a lot about the Savior. I've always known the stories of Jesus Christ, his birth, and his life here on earth. But only since I've had you here with me do those stories take on a greater meaning. Heavenly Father sent his son to earth knowing that he would give his life in the end. Knowing that he would be saving the very people who ridiculed and mocked him. What an unbelievable sacrifice. Only now, having a child of my own, am I starting to realize what a amazing gift that was. One that I can never repay. Van, I want you to know that I have a testimony that my Savior lives. He loves us and he knows all of us individually. I know that if we follow the Lord's commandments we will be able to return to His presence, and our family will be together forever. There is no greater gift than that. You are the greatest blessing of my life. I love you all the way around the world and touching. (I'll have to explain that one to you when you're a little older.) Merry Christmas son.

Love,
Mama

Me and Van on Thanksgiving.

Clayton and Van on Thanksgiving.

Love my family.

Getting ready to open presents. Can you just see the excitement?

Van's jean quilt made by hand by Grandma K. We love it!

Warm and toasty. Camo scarf made by Aunt Val.

He got into it after a while and loved to tear the wrapping paper off....and then eat it.

My little side sleeper. Ohhh, I just want to squeeze him. (And I often do...not too hard though.)

Tell me you've ever seen a cuter boy in the world, and I'll tell you you're lying! ;)

The story of Bones:

My cousin Ashley passed away a few years back. She was an amazing example of courage and love, and I miss her every day. While she was alive, she had a passion for beanie babies. She collected so many, I think most people lost count. But not her. She knew them all and loved them all. After she passed away, my Aunt Joan decided that Ashley would have wanted the grandkids each to have one. I was honored to receive one for Van at my baby shower. His name is Bones. From the day I got him, I sat him in Van's crib and he waited patiently for Van's arrival. And since we brought Van home, Bones has been a silent protector for him through every nap and through the each night. I feel that with Bones close by, it means Ashley is close by. I love you Ash. Thanks for watching over my little V.

Bailey.

2010-11-23T19:57:00.001-08:00

Tonight I had to say goodbye to the best dog I've ever had.

The story:

We found Bailey at the pound in April of 2006. We loved her the second we saw her. She was a beautiful dog, and she seemed to know that we were going to take her out of that cage and give her a good home. I don't think she ever forgot that. I've always said that pound puppies are the best kind because they KNOW that you saved them, and they love you all the more. Bailey knew that we loved her and she loved us back. The second we got her home, we knew we had found a gem. She was so calm in the house and was content to lay by your side all day, and yet she could wrestle with Clayton for hours at a time. She was fully housebroken and never had one accident inside. She was just an all around wonderful dog....with one flaw. Bailey never liked other dogs (aside from our first dog, Levi, and my parent's dog, Sam. My dad said it's because she knew they were part of her "pack".) I don't know why, but she was never "dog friendly". Over the past couple of weeks, I kept having this sinking feeling that something bad was going to happen, and sure enough...it did. Yesterday we were out running errands and I got a call from my neighbor that Bailey and Sam had gotten out through the backyard gate and that they had put them back in the yard and closed the gate. I thanked them and told them we would be home soon. About 15 minutes later, we got another call. Our neighbor said that Bailey got out again and got in a fight with one of our neighbors dogs, and they were on their way to have their dog checked out at The Animal Hospital. I got home as soon as I could. Long story (somewhat) short, their dog had gotten life threatening injuries and they ended up having to put it to sleep. Obviously we felt absolutely terrible. The people were very nice and understanding and realized that it was just a terrible accident. They knew that their dog should not have been out in the front yard without a leash just as much as Bailey should not have been out roaming the streets. We paid their vet bill of $609 and apologized more times than I can count. We made the heartbreaking decision that we couldn't keep her. Even though I know that she would never bite a person, she did kill some one's pet, and I can't live with that. I have a baby to think about. So, at about 6:30 tonight Animal Control showed up on our doorstep. They were very nice and very kind to Bailey. But they said that when something like this happens, they can't send the dog to another home, and she would have to be put to sleep. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about. I am heartbroken. When they were taking her away, I asked them if I could keep her collar. I needed something of hers to hold on to. I kissed her and hugged her tight and I told her I loved her before I let them take her. I told her I was sorry this happened. I told her that she was a good girl and thanked her for always being the best dog.

Even though this happened, and even though it was awful, she is and always will be the best dog I've ever had. I loved her and I already miss her.

We love you Bays.

4 Months.

2010-11-15T12:16:00.000-08:00

4 Month "Well" Visit Update:

15 lbs. 13 oz. (85th percentile)
26 1/4 in. (95th percentile)

He just continues to get bigger and bigger.

Dear Van,

Hey love. 4 months old! Where does the time go? Well, month 3 was a rough one for us. Before the big 3, you were on a perfect schedule, sleeping soundly through the night (10 hours most nights), and usually only crying when you were tired or hungry. Basically, you were a TEXT BOOK baby. And then...real life hit! We got slammed with growth spurts, tummy troubles, head colds, teething, and ear infections--just to name a few. Through it all, your smile was the silver lining on every grey cloud we hit. We cried a lot together this month, and if it's possible, I think it made me love you even more. I've always known you needed me and loved me, but there's something different about the look in your eyes when I can tell you are at your lowest point, miserable from tummy aches or ear infections, and you look at me with relief on your face because you KNOW I will do anything I can to make it better. And if I can't fix it, at least I can tell you I love you and hold you tight to try ease the pain. It makes me feel like a super hero when you look at me like that.

Your personality is really starting to shine through. You are already so much like your dad (which I love.) Here's some advice for you: Stay like him. Your dad is someone you should always look up to. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. He will do absolutely anything for anyone. No questions asked. He is always the first one willing to give a hand up to someone who has fallen down. Never judging, always understanding. He goes through life with a smile on his face, and a practical joke in his mind. He is and will always be a kid at heart. Like him, I hope you will always be able to laugh at yourself. Life is meant to be joyful. I hope that you will learn from the blisters and callouses on his hands how important it is to work hard and earn your spot in life. I promise you that if you will listen, he will teach you how to be a good man. There's no one else in the world I would choose to set the example for you.

Here's a few things that have been going on in your life this month:

You learned how to blow spit bubbles.
It's your new favorite thing. It doesn't matter if you're happy, sad, hyper, or tired. You are CONSTANTLY spitting. I wonder at what age I'm going to have to tell you not to do that anymore. Someday people will think it's rude rather than cute to have you spit in their face. But for now, it's cute.

You LOVE your feet.
You have them in your hands at all times. I think you got your lack of flexibility from me. Most babies put their feet clear into their mouths, but you can't quite do it. But as long as you've got one in each hand, you're perfectly happy.

You love stories.
At night, we have a routine: bath, eat, story, prayer, song, bed. I think story time is becoming your favorite part.

You had your first big trip.
We went up to Uncle Dustin's cabin right after Uncle Clay got home from his mission. I can't say you liked it very much though. You screamed pretty much the entire time we were up there. I don't think the altitude agreed with you. Sorry bub.

You started....and stopped rice cereal.
This was probably the saddest part of my whole month. I was so excited to start you on solids. I thought it would help you sleep better at night, and I could tell you were ready for it. Every time we ate, you would stare longingly at our food wishing you could have a bite. The first night, we gave you a little taste and your eyes got as big as saucers. By the time I got the next bite on the spoon, you grabbed it and shoved it into your mouth. You attacked that cereal like nothing I've ever seen. It was love at first taste. BUT....within a week, you were screaming bloody murder because of tummy aches. We took you to the doctor and they said you had blood in your stool, and we weren't allowed to do rice cereal anymore until you were at least 6 months old because your tummy wasn't mature enough to handle it. Sorry V. We tried. Hopefully we'll have better luck next time.

You had your first bath in a real bath tub.
I have to say, this makes me rather nervous. I still have not attempted it by myself yet. Dad always holds you while I wash you. We'll get it down to a science soon, I'm sure.

You threw up TWICE.
Like I said in the beginning....rough month.

You had your first trip to Urgent Care.
After doing all kinds of tests, catheters, x-rays, and who knows what else...it ended up just being an ear infection. Mama was not super happy with those doctors for putting you through all of that for a simple ear infection, but we were glad it was nothing more serious.

You love to stare at your hands.
I think you've finally figured out that you've got control over them. You open and close your fists and stare at them in amazement.

Well bub, it's been a busy month for you. Lots of changes going on. But one thing that will never change is how much we love you. Every day I am more and more grateful that you are here with us. You are the blessing we have been waiting for. I love you more than you'll ever know.

Love,

Mama

Here you are with Nannie. She has been the best babysitter for you when Mama has to go to work. I wish I never had to leave. But if I can't be with you, Nannie is as good as it gets!

The cutest tiger ever!

This was at Aunt Amy's trunk-or-treat. Van was in his Tiger costume and had a BLOW-OUT. I just told everyone that instead of a cute little tiger...we decided to make him a white trash baby instead with nothing but a diaper on. (Poor planning. I thought I had an extra outfit in the diaper bag. Sadly, I did not.)

Poor sick V. This was on our way to Urgent Care. I know he doesn't feel good in this picture, but I absolutely love it. He looks so cute.

What a miserable face. This was taken in Urgent Care right after they gave him a catheter. Yuck!

Time to try solids!!

This picture makes me so sad. This just shows you how much V LOVED rice cereal. Too bad his tummy couldn't take it. The doctor said we can try again when he's 6 months old.

Sorry it's blurry, but what a cute little face!

Love this Bub.

Clayton and his Mini-Me.

Hahaha. Bath time!

The last time we had V in the newborn tub. He just got too big and started soaking EVERYTHING with all the kicking and splashing around.

Love these baby blues.

I found these online. It's socks and wristbands with little bugs on them that rattle and squeak. He loves them. This is one thing that will keep him entertained for a little while.

Still not loving the tummy time.

This is a Sunday morning ritual as of late. While I'm getting ready, Clayton takes him in the front room and plays the piano for him. Yet another reason I love my Clayton.

Look at that focus! So serious...

V absolutely loves story time. He stares at the pages....and tries to eat them of course.

V realized he's got a cool fun toy. His feet.

I have the cutest boy in the world.

We love you V.

Conversations with a 3 Month Old.

2010-10-11T23:06:00.000-07:00

It's things like this that really make me wonder what is going on inside his head.

LOVE IT.

3 Months.

2010-10-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

Three months old. THREE months old?? Why is it that every month, on that blasted 11th day, my little man gets older and older? I wish I had one of those contraptions from the movies where I could freeze frame time and just keep him tiny forever. I guess tiny is not quite the right word, the only time in his life I've been able to call him tiny was the day he was born and maybe a few days after.

And my little Tank continues to grow. And even though time is going way too fast, I have absolutely LOVED watching him change and learn new things in the short time that he's been here with us. I am convinced (as I'm sure every mother is) that my child is a genius. He surprises me every day with the new things he does. One of my favorite things is when I catch that look in his eye when something clicks in his little head. Like when he figured out how to open his fist when he wanted to grab his friend, Mr. Tiger. It's like it completely makes his day and I can almost hear him thinking, "Ohhhh, THAT'S how that works." Love love love it.

Dear Van,

Hey love. As I sit here thinking about it, I still can't understand how the time has gone so fast. 3 months have already flown by. I was telling Nannie last night that I didn't think it was possible, but that you were getting cuter and cuter right before my eyes. She told me that it was probably because I've gotten to know your personality, and that makes you more adorable. I think she's right. You really do have the sweetest light about you. You love to talk and smile at anyone you make eye contact with. This month has been full of all kinds of new and exciting things for you.

Probably your biggest accomplishment (and my favorite), you LAUGHED!
Mama, Nannie, Aunt Amy, Aunt Tamra, and Aunt LaChae were all at Aunt Amy's making Uncle Clay's mission quilt. Nannie was playing with you on the couch and kissing your neck, and you let out the sweetest sound I've ever heard. You are definitely super ticklish (just like your mama.) I'm just going to warn you though, your dad will use this against you to tickle you until you want to puke! Sorry bub, but I have to admit...I'm pretty excited that the fact that's he's got you to tickle may take some of the heat off me. But I've learned after years and years of this torture, he does it all out of love. Good luck.

You rolled over.
It happened so fast I almost didn't see it. I put you on your tummy (which you hate), and you rolled right over onto your back. The look on your face was priceless. It was like your wheels were turning and you thought, "What just happened??...And how in the world do I do that again?"

You were blessed.
You received your very first blessing from your daddy in church on September 26, 2010. Dad was so sweet with you and gave you an amazing blessing that will help you all throughout your life. Your dad invited a lot of people who love you into the circle to help him give your blessing. Daddy, Grandpa, Uncle TJ, Uncle Wade, Uncle Dustin, Selle, Jarom, Eric, Joel, and Bishop Kempton were all there to help. A LOT of other people came to our house after to celebrate with us. It was a fun day full of people who love you very much.

You go "Super Sonic".
You started this new cry that, frankly, scares the bajeezes out of me. It is the highest pitch cry I've ever heard in my life. You will be perfectly happy, and then all of a sudden, it's like someone cut off your foot. Usually it ends just as quickly as it began and you're back to your happy self within a few seconds. Honestly, you really are an unbelievably happy baby and you rarely cry. Crying usually only happens when you wake up from a nap or you're ready for the next one with a "Super Sonic" thrown in here and there. It is one of kind and equal parts of funny and disturbing.

You are Mama's good luck charm.
This month, I had to take some really hard tests for school so that I could be registered to work as a Respiratory Therapist. I thought about you a lot while I was preparing for my tests. I wanted to study hard and get through it so that I could help daddy provide for our family. I really think that you helped me through it because I wanted to do well and make you and daddy proud.

You LOVE your hands.

...a little too much. They are constantly in your mouth. When it's time for you to eat, I have to keep pulling your hands away from your mouth so I can feed you. And the best part is (and this is not an exaggeration) you shove them so far in your mouth that you gag on them at least 30 times a day. Sorry love, the gagging comes from my side. It will be something you will deal with your entire life. Get used to it and learn to laugh at it.

You give kisses.
I have kissed you non-stop from the day you were born, so it's only natural that kisses would be one of the first things you learned. I hardly noticed it was anything special because it's so routine for us, but one day Nannie was giving you a kiss and she yelled, "Niki, do you know your son gives kisses?!" I thought, "Well, of course he does. He gives me kisses every day." I didn't realize that most babies your age don't do that. Aunt Tamra didn't believe it, so she came over to try it out. Sure enough, she reached down to kiss you and you opened your mouth as wide as you could to kiss her back. It's the best. I love your kisses. They make my day.

Van, I can't even tell you how much I love you. Before you were born, I made you a list of promises. A couple of them included kissing you too much and telling you I love you too often. I can tell you that I have absolutely kept my promises on both accounts. I seriously can't get enough of you. You are the brightest spot in my day. You are helping me every day to realize the important things in life. I know that you have changed me and your dad into better versions of ourselves and brought us even closer together. Thank you for being here with us. We love you so much, our little Tank.

Love,

Mama

p.s. On a side note, you met your Uncle Clay today!! He came home from his mission in Torreon Mexico. What a great way to celebrate your 3 Month-Day! Love you.

Spending time with best friend, Mr. Tiger.

Love these blues.

Wishing he could go hunting with Daddy...not yet Bub.

Evidence of the "Super Sonic".

Not a fan of tummy time. He likes it better now that he can hold his head up.

First time in his Bumbo chair.

Talking with Mama.

Looking precious as always.

We love you Bubba.

What Really Matters.

2010-10-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

—Marjorie Pay Hinckley

My mom read this quote to me last night, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. My life has changed so much recently that I've found myself doing a lot of reflecting on what's really important. I've found that sometimes I catch myself wishing I had my pre-pregnancy body back (or at least the money to buy some new jeans to fit my post-pregnancy body), or longing for the money to go on a vacation to some far off exotic land, or hoping that someday we won't always be wondering if we'll be able to pay the bills that I'm sure are waiting--not so patiently--in my mailbox. But is that what really matters? Are those the types of things that I want to look back at my life years and years from now and remember? Nope. They're not. I want to look at my life and remember that life is good. My life is good.

I have been blessed with a man that is my absolute best friend. He's mine and I'm his forever. What more could I ask for? Oh right, the little mini version of him that is my son. Van has filled my heart so that every empty space that ever existed is a distant memory. And even on the days where I am so exhausted that I can hardly open my eyes (thanks to Van's stubborn tummy aches from the night before) I am grateful for him. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for trusting Clayton and I enough to send us one of his choicest spirits.

When I look back on my life, I want my Savior to know that I lived and I loved.

This little man is helping me do that every day.

Van,

Thanks for always helping me remember what really matters. I love you.

Love,
Mama

Sleeeeeep.

2010-09-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

Guess who slept 10 hours last night...

THANK YOU BABYWISE.

Tank.

2010-09-14T16:51:00.000-07:00

2 Month Well Visit:

12 lbs 15.5 oz. (75th percentile)

24 inches (95th percentile)

Our doctor told us he's the size of the average 4 month old. So in light of that...

We've coined a new nickname for our little one....based on sheer size, of course.

TANK.

On a side note, Van got four shots. He cried. So did I.

2 Months.

2010-09-12T20:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Van,

You are 2 months old. How is that possible? When I think of how new you are to this world, it doesn't seem right. It's hard to even remember what it was like or what mattered in life before you were a part of it. You have brought more joy to your dad and I than you will ever know. I could literally spend an entire day just staring at you and talking to you (and sometimes I do.)

It's funny how life changes. While I used to get excited over things like an A on a test that I studied really hard for, a new pair of jeans that fit really good, or going out with your dad for a night on the town...now I get excited over watching you finally be able to grab that toy that you've had your eye on all day, having our little "conversations" and wondering what's really going on inside your head, and giving you your bath and getting you all snuggly in your jammies. Life has definitely changed, and I love my "new normal" (as your Aunt Amy calls it.)

You have changed so much in the two months since you made your appearance here on earth. You really don't even look like the same kid. You were born a scrawny little brown haired boy. Since then, you lost all your hair, grew all new hair (that's perfectly blonde, not a brown hair in sight), and you've chunked up so much I can barely carry you in your carseat (...Mama needs to grow some muscles.)

Van, I love you. I love the moments when we lock eyes and I can just see the wisdom in your sweet little face. It's like you know all the mysteries of Heaven, and you're just dying to tell me all about it. Oh, how I wish you could talk. The things you would say.

All of the pain I went through to get you here, all the sleepless nights, and all the crazy mood swings...it's all worth it. (You may have check with Daddy on the mood swings.) And even though it took us so long to get you here and sometimes I was really upset about it, I wouldn't change one day of my life. I feel like everything your dad and I have been through lead us to this point and prepared us to be the best parents for you that we can possibly be. We love where we're at, we love our life, and we love that you are the center of our universe.

Here is your life in a nutshell at 2 months:

-You absolutely love your activity mat. You love talking to your animals and grabbing at them.
-You love to sit and talk with just about anyone. All we have to do is say hi to you, and you spread into the biggest grin and "ooo and ahh" like crazy.
-You love baths now. I think you'd be happy to stay in the bath all day if I let you.
-You get tummy aches quite a bit. I try to be careful about what I eat, but your tummy is very picky.
-You can pretty much hold your head up all on your own. You still get tired and turn into the "bobble head", but you do pretty well.
-You LOVE your bed. You take naps in your crib so well, and you do NOT like taking naps in your carseat...unless the car is moving.
-You get the most precious look of relief on your face when I go in your room to get you out of bed after your naps.
-You have this perfect puff of new blonde hair that's growing in. It looks like a soft little cotton ball, and I love it.
-Anytime anyone sees you, the first words out of their mouths are, "Wow, he's big!" ...You are.
-You've already been swimming, and you loved it. You fell asleep in the water in my arms.
-You still do the funny sneeze. We're dreading the day you grow out of it.
-You are such a mellow baby (you take after your daddy).
-You look so much like your dad it's ridiculous...after all, I'm the one that carried you in my belly for 9 months. It's ok though, I forgive you.
-You are the smartest baby. You already know your bedtime routine. As soon as we start singing your bedtime song, you put on the cutest little frowny face because you know it's time for ni-night.
-You are the best baby anyone could hope for and I love you.

Thank you for putting a smile on my face every morning and for being the last joyful thought on my mind as I fall asleep every night. I love you.

Love,
Mama

Slow Down.

2010-08-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

I've always heard mothers say that time with your children goes by fast. I never realized how fast until Van came into our lives.

Sometimes I just want to shout up to the Heavens, "WAIT!"

Our little guy has changed so much already I can't hardly believe it. When he was born, these were his stats:

7 lbs. 4 oz.
21 in.
40th percentile in weight
80th percentile in height

At his 1 month well visit, these were his stats:

10 lbs. 4 oz. (!!)
23 in.
65th percentile in weight
95th percentile in height

His doctor asked me what in the world I was feeding him. When I told him I was just nursing he said, "Man, that's some good milk!" haha. Good to know.

I feel like I got the best of both worlds with Van. I always said that I didn't want a ginormous baby. I didn't want to give birth and feel like he was already 3 months old. I wanted my tiny little newborn. On the other hand... I LOVE rolly babies. I LOVE chubby cheeks. I LOVE round little bellies. And I can tell you, we are certainly on our way there. I discovered Van's first little rolls when I was changing his diaper last week, and it put the biggest smile on my face.

Dear Van,

Well my little man, you have certainly been having an eventful month. First of all, you are growing like a weed. THREE pounds in ONE month. Crazy. We love it. We love to see how much you are changing. But just one request Bub, slow down a little. We don't want you to grow up too fast.

You are becoming so much more interested in your toys. You've made best friends with Mr. Tiger. You'd sit and talk to him all day if I let you, but sometimes I have to steal you away. Mama wants to hear all of your stories too. You are talking so much lately, and your voice is my favorite sound in the world. No laughing yet, but we've gotten close. Sometimes you smile so big, I'm sure a laugh is just waiting to burst out. I guess you're saving it for a special occasion.

You are getting so much stronger too. You can hold your head up for quite a while before getting tired. But once you do get tired....WATCH OUT. We call you the bobble head. You head butted Daddy right in the nose once. And then you gave him a big smile afterward. We took that as your apology. You LOVE Daddy. When he gets home, that's usually when you are the most talkative. I think you're trying to get him up to speed on all the things he missed while he was at work.

Probably your biggest event of the month was when you got your first haircut! Well, it was less of a cut and more of a shave. When you were born, you had a head FULL of brown hair. Over the course of the month, you started to lose it....old man style. At first it started with a receding hair line. And it just kept moving back and back until you only had hair around the sides and the back, and the top was just as bald as bald could be. Basically you had quite the extreme mullet going on. So, Mama and Daddy decided to save you. We shaved off the back to match the front. And I have to say, you look adorable. I love my little baldy. It's already growing back though. And the hair that's coming in is white as snow. Just like I knew it would be. But bald or not, you are the most handsome boy I've ever seen.

V, we love you so much. You make every day an adventure. (And the nights, even more so...haven't quite got the sleeping down to a science yet, but we're working on it.) Every day, you amaze me. I look at you, and I still can't wrap my mind around it completely...I made that. You're perfect in every way. Your existence is proof that Heaven exists. I love you.

Love,
Mama

This is the outifit I bought when I first found out I was pregnant.

These jammies say "Current Family Favorite". Love it!

Clayton falls asleep feeding him in the middle of the day...try doing it in the middle of the night, hon. haha.

Talking with best friend, Mr. Tiger.

This picture is a little blurry, but I don't care. Look at that smile.

Our first Sunday

Complete.

2010-08-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

I ran across a quote that sums up our lives perfectly...

"A baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty."

Van is 4 weeks today. 4 weeks. Is that all? I can't believe that just a short time ago, he was not a part of our lives yet. It's amazing how 4 weeks can change so much. After 4 years of hurting and longing for something we weren't sure would ever be, the past 4 weeks has erased all the pain we ever felt. It's amazing to me that someone so small can fill in so large a void. He is our everything.

Dear Van,

Hi love. You are here. I cannot believe it. And you are just as amazing as I always dreamed you would be. I can't even describe how grateful we are to have you here with us. Now I know why Heavenly Father kept you with him in Heaven a little longer than we hoped. You are special. There's no question about it. Your spirit is so bright, it's amazing it can fit in such a tiny body.

The first time I held you, I felt like my heart would explode with pride. You were real. Flesh and blood. It was a surreal experience that I will never forget as long as I live. The first couple of days of your life, I was afraid to go to sleep. I worried that when I woke up, this would all be one long, beautiful dream. I just have to keep reminding myself...you are real, and you're really mine.

I often just sit and watch you. I watch your curious eyes as you stare at new and exciting things and take it all in. I watch your little mouth and all the cute expressions you make. I listen to your sweet voice (that you've recently discovered) as you "oooo and ahhh" and wonder what your first words will be. I laugh at your flailing arms and legs, as I'm not quite sure you've learned how to control them yet (all in time, Bub).

You are a gift. Thank you for choosing to come and be part of our forever family. Thank goodness that families are forever because we could never get enough of you. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to experience a miracle. Thank you for allowing us to test the magnitude of love. Thank you for giving us the most rewarding challenge we'll ever have. Thank you for being the perfect missing link. We love you more.

Here's some things about your first month of life...

When you were first born, we thought you looked exactly like your Uncle Clay. But once the swelling went down, we realized you are a replica of your daddy.

When you were born, you had floppy ears. Literally. They hung over on the top like a puppy. It became an obsession of your dad's and mine to fix them. We were always making sure they were upright and tucked under your beanie in the hospital, and within a couple days, they were normal. haha We loved your floppy ears.

You love having the water run over the top of your head in the bath. You go limp and let your mouth hang open. I've never seen a baby so relaxed.

Your cord fell off, thank goodness! You HATED sponge baths.

You pee (pretty much on cue) every time Mama takes your diaper off. You've peed/pooped on Mama and Daddy enough times to last a lifetime.

You started smiling, and every time we see one, you light up our world.

You went to the temple when you were only 5 days old (Aunt Alice got married), and you've been 3 times within the first 2 weeks of your life. Boy, are you righteous!

You were born with a head full of BROWN hair. (What??) But now it's falling out--old man style--and it just looks like you have a receding hair line. We love it. We've nick named you "Benjamin Button".

You try to hold your head up and roll over already. You are a strong little man.

You have the cutest sneeze. It was the highlight of our week when we caught it on video.

Van, we love you. We will always and forever love you. I can't say it's been a piece of cake. I've cried right along side you a few nights when I just couldn't figure out what you needed to make things all better. I'm learning. I guess I have to apologize that you're "the first pancake". It's a learning process for all of us, and I know we'll make mistakes, but I also know that love will get us through. Here's to a lifetime of adventure! I love you.

Love,

Mama

This is the video of Van's sneeze that we love so much. It's not the best one he's done (they are usually super exaggerated), but it's the only one I've had the camera rolling in time to catch. It's right at the beginning. We love our little man. Enjoy!

Van Clayton Osborn.

2010-07-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'd like to introduce my son.

Van Clayton Osborn
7.11.2010 at 3:38 pm
7lbs. 4 oz.
21 inches

The story:

This story actually starts the day before Van was born Saturday, July 10. At that point, I was 3 days overdue, and I was so ready for my son to be here. I put on my comfy clothes and tennis shoes and headed to the mall with my mom to "walk him out". I had been having contractions on and off that day but nothing regular. Once at the mall, I must have looked determined because quite a few people said, "Oh, she wants that baby out" as we walked by.

We ended up going to bed pretty late that night at about 12:30 am (which ended up not being a wise decision in hind sight.) Starting at 1:13 am, I started timing my contractions. They were starting to get painful, and I had noticed they were coming pretty regularly. At that point I didn't know I was in for the longest night of my life.

Throughout the whole night, my contractions were never more than 10 minutes apart. Most of them were 5 to 7 minutes apart. At about 4:00 am, I decided to get in the shower and get ready just in case. From about 4:00 to 6:00, my contractions were consistently 5 minutes apart. Keep in mind, this whole time, my contractions hurt like crazy, but they never felt the way I thought real contractions were supposed to feel. From all the pregnancy books I read, to talking with my sisters about their experiences, I thought these were just Braxton Hicks contractions because they never "radiated" from my back to my belly. That's what had me really scared. I thought, "If they hurt this bad, and these are just Braxton Hicks, I must be a real baby."

Anyway, back to the story. At 6:30 am we decided to head down to the hospital to see if I was actually in labor. I thought the worst that can happen is they would just send me back home, but at least I would probably get checked and know if anything at all was happening. We gathered all our bags and headed out the door, not knowing the next time we'd be coming home, we'd have our son with us.

On the way to the hospital I remembered that my sisters told me once they admit you, they don't let you eat anything, so we stopped to get some breakfast. We got to the hospital at 7:00 am Sunday morning. They took me back to triage and hooked me up to all the monitors. I can't even tell you my relief when they said, "Oh honey, you're definitely in labor." Whew! I'm NOT a baby. They WERE real contractions. At that point, I was dilated to a 2 and 80% effaced. They said they normally have to watch you for an hour to make sure you're progressing, but that they would admit me right away since I had been in labor since 1:00 that morning.

I was admitted into the labor and delivery room #7 (lucky 7) at 7:45 am. I got my epidural at 9 am which was absolute heaven. The epidural was one of the things I was the most scared of, but it didn't hurt at all and took all the hurt away that I'd been having all morning. The lady that did my epidural was absolutely amazing. It was just strong enough that I didn't feel one ounce of pain, but it wasn't too strong so I still had complete control over my legs and everything.

At 9:30 am, Dr. Beck came in to check me. I was dilated to a 4, and he broke my water. The epidural started to slow the contractions down a little bit, so I was given Pitocin at 10:25 am. By 12:15 pm I was dilated to a 6. Van gave us a little scare at that point. Every time they would move me, his heart rate dropped. They put an oxygen mask on me to give him a little extra boost. Dr Beck came back to check me at 1:15 pm, and I was dilated to a 6. He said Van was coming down nicely, but that he was posterior (sunny side up). He tried to turn him, but no luck!

By 3:00 pm, I started feeling pressure like I needed to push. The nurse check me and sure enough, I was a 10 and 100%. Ready to start pushing!! When they told me I was ready, I started shaking and crying. I couldn't believe it was time. Was this real? He would actually be here in a matter of minutes? Not years, not months, not days, not hours, but MINUTES. I can't even describe the feeling.

At 3:15 pm, I started pushing. On a side note, I've always had this fear that I would not be a good "pusher". My mom always raves about what good pushers my sisters are, and I always thought, "Crap, what if I'm not a good pusher?" Stupid, I know. Anyway, as soon as I started, my mom looked at me and said, "You're a good pusher!" Whew! I pushed through 2 contractions with just the nurses before they called Dr. Beck back for the delivery. He came in at 3:25 pm. I pushed through 2 contractions, and my angel was here.

The whole experience was a blissful blur. I just don't know how you can love someone so much that you just met. I, of course, started bawling the second I saw him. I've never loved the sound of someone crying so much in my life. He was here, flesh and blood. Clayton and my flesh and blood. I can't think of anything more amazing. He was healthy, he was safe, and he was mine.

Here's some pictures of our adventure:

This was Clayton and I on our way out the door to the hospital. The last picture that will ever exist when it was just the two of us.

Me with my lovely oxygen mask. (Which I'm an expert on, by the way. This is called a 100% Non-Rebreather mask.)

My support crew, minus Clayton. He was the biggest support of all.

Dilated to a 10 and ready to push!

Here's our little miracle with one of my favorite men in the world. Dr. Beck is amazing.

He's definitely got a good set of lungs.

The first time I got to hold my son. I can't even describe the feeling. I can only say that now I understand a mother's love.

Our first family photo.

The proud Papa. Clayton just couldn't quit staring at him.

We did it!

My mom was so excited she could hardly stand it.

Even as a brand, brand newborn, he's still cute.

7 lbs. 4 oz.??? He must have been stretched out and lounging in there. I still have no idea why my belly was as big as it was because it certainly wasn't him. Crud...I guess that means it was all me, huh?

Footprints. He's got my long, skinny boat feet.

The excitement in the room was overwhelming.

Big Van meeting "Mini Van" for the first time.

Proud Grandparents. I'll tell you one thing, this kid will be loved.

Aunt Tamra and Aunt Amy. They couldn't get enough of him.

Angel face. Look at that brown hair! I have no idea where that came from, but it's already starting to turn blonde.

Our little family.

I came out of the bathroom after having taken a shower, and this is what I found. My husband stole my bed!

Clayton just wants to hold him every second. I have to keep reminding him that it's good for him to be put down every once in a while.

I could stare at this boy all day long.

Thanks to everyone for your calls and well wishes. We are doing great. I keep asking Clayton when thinks this will all sink in because I still feel like I'm in a dream. Too often, I just go in to stare at him and make sure he's real. It's funny how someone so tiny can fill up so much emptiness. Our lives are complete now that he's a part of them.

Dear Van,

Thank you for being here and for being perfect. I love you.

Love,

Mama

First Things First.

2010-07-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

I thought I owed it to those of you who had been keeping up on my ever growing belly to let you see how big it actually got.

39 Weeks.

This was on my very last day of school. I can't believe my scrub top made it!! I had it stretched to the max, but it held out.

40 Weeks. July 7, 2010. This was taken on my due date. I was ready, he wasn't.

40 Weeks and 4 Days. July 11, 2010. This was taken as we were walking out the door to go to the hospital. It's so weird to think that I was in labor when this picture was taken, and that we'd have our son that day. Amazing.

That's all she wrote. It's funny... before you get pregnant, it's impossible to picture yourself with a pregnant belly. And then when you have it, it almost impossible to remember what it was like before. I can tell you, I loved my big round baby bump. Absolutely loved it. I miss it, but not enough to want it back. I'll take the little angel that took it's place any day of the week.

I'm working on Van's birth post. Lots of pictures to upload. I'll have it up some time today hopefully. I just thought I would go in order. Stay tuned for pictures of the most precious baby you ever laid eyes on.

He's Here!

2010-07-13T23:34:00.001-07:00

Our little boy has arrived!

Born: 7.11 @ 3:38 pm, 7 lbs 4 oz, 21 in, and absolutely perfect.

He's home, safe and sound. My brain is too fried to do a real post at the moment, but I just wanted to let everyone know who didn't already know that he decided to make his appearance. We love him so much and can't wait to share the story and all the pictures. Well, I guess we can wait....until tomorrow. For now, I'm off to get an hour of sleep before he needs to eat again. I love being a mom!

Sorry for the teaser. Just wanted to spread the news that my ticker is wrong. I'm NOT 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I have a 2 day old! Life is good.

Stubborn.

2010-07-09T11:49:00.001-07:00

Well, my little man is showing his first personality trait. Stubbornness. (Is that a word? It looks wrong.) Anyway, as you can see from my little counter on the right, he is 2 days late. I had my doctor's appointment yesterday, and he gave me some disheartening news. He said I am only 1 centimeter (I was 1/2 last week), and that Van is still REALLY high. I have been having some contractions, but nothing super strong and nothing regular. I've been walking, swimming, playing freeze tag, eating cans and cans of pineapple, and anything else I can think of that might work. But it looks like I've made too good of a home for the little guy, and he's just sitting comfy in my belly. I'm scheduled to be induced next Wednesday, and I'm hoping I don't make it till then. My doctor seemed pretty confident that nothing would happen before that, and told me that even being induced I'd probably be in for a "long labor". At this point, I just have to keep reminding myself that this is what it takes to have my son. Bring it on. He's worth it.

Dear Van,

Please come soon. I love you.

Love,
Mama

D Day.

2010-07-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Van,

Hi my sweet little one. Can you believe it? Your time has come. You are due today. Everything is ready to go. I passed my final with flying colors yesterday, and I'm officially a college graduate...Your room is ready...Our bags are packed...I've read all the books. I think we're as ready as we'll ever be. Please come and be with us, we are dying to meet you. We can't wait to see your precious little face and hold your tiny little hands. Your dad and I love you so much already, and you're all we think about. It will be so nice to put a face with all the images we've created in our minds of what you'll be like. I know it will be hard to leave the comforts of Heaven. I'm sure all of Mama and Daddy's loved ones that have already passed on are taking good care of you up there. Please tell them we love them, thank them for watching over our precious boy, and give them a good squeeze from us. And tell them, we're ready for it to be our turn.

You know what else I just thought about? You'll be leaving the rest of your brothers and sisters up there. Don't be sad. It will only be for a little while. We'll get them here as fast as we can, so that we can all be together forever. You were the one who was chosen to come first. Pave the way for the rest of them. Oh my little one, please be strong. There are a lot of distractions down here that Satan will put in your way to pull you away from the things you know are right. Your dad and I will do the best we can to help you remember who you are. Above all else, you are a son of God. Please remember to rely on Him. He will always be near you to give you strength. And always know that your dad and I will love you forever and for always, no matter what. You are our precious little miracle.

Now, there's only one thing left to do: Get your little booty down here. We can't wait! And please, please, please get here safe. Love you forever.

Love,
Mama

Tick Tick Tick.

2010-07-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

Here I am, taking a break from studying for my final. My FINAL. Gosh, I was so nervous I'd never get to this point. After tomorrow (assuming I pass), I will be a college graduate. And as of about 1:00 tomorrow, I will be free to have my son without worrying about whether or not they'll let me graduate without having to jump through all of these addition hoops. (If you couldn't tell, I'm in no shape to be jumping through anything right now.) I guess it's possible I could still go into labor sometime tonight which would put a little speed bump in my way, but for now it's looking like we made it. I still can't believe the timing of all of this. Over the last couple of weeks, I've felt like a ticking time bomb. When I first got pregnant, we didn't even have a set date of when we'd be out of school...but I knew it would be close. Then, when they told us our "exit date", and I put it together with my due date, I just had to laugh. Really? Within ONE day...Heavenly Father sure has a sense of humor. Honestly, we wanted a baby WAY before I even decided to go back to school so that was always my number one priority. Even if I had to take a semester off, I didn't care. But now that it's so close and I'm almost done, I just want to finish so that it will be one less thing to worry about after my little man makes his arrival. And it looks like he'll arrive in perfect timing. Now, my biggest problem is that I can't seem to concentrate on school because I'm so hyped up about the baby. ONE MORE DAY. I can do this.

Looks Like We'll Make It.

2010-07-01T23:49:00.000-07:00

I had my appointment today. All good news. My doctor said I am 1/2 centimeter and "thinning". Nothing major is going on yet, which is good news for us. Looks like I'll make it to graduation after all. What a patient little boy I've got. I just hope he doesn't choose to wait around too long because after my final on Tuesday, I'll be itching for him to get here. My doctor told me he doesn't like to induce with the first baby until you're about a week over, so it might still be a little while. But either way.....

I'M HAVING A BABY THIS MONTH!

The Preggo Progression.

2010-06-30T17:51:00.001-07:00

2 weeks
Before I even knew I was pregnant

4 weeks
A couple of days after I found out I was pregnant. (Halloween)

10 weeks
Sorry for the belly shot. This is the last picture that will ever exist of me with a nice tummy.

13 Weeks
My birthday.

17 Weeks
The day we found out we were having a boy.

20 Weeks

24 Weeks

27 Weeks

28 Weeks

30 Weeks

32 Weeks

33 Weeks

36 Weeks

38 Weeks

I was going through all my old pictures, and it was fun to watch myself blow up like a balloon. Hopefully once Van gets here I'll be able to get my old self back....to some degree. The changes your body goes through during pregnancy are just amazing to me. Sometimes I still can't believe this belly belongs to me, but I'm proud of it.

The Wait is Almost Over.

2010-06-30T17:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Van,

Hey, love. Well, a lot has been going on lately. Life is moving along at a crazy pace, and you're just getting ready to join in on the adventure. I can't even tell you how spoiled we've been lately. We had two baby showers thrown for us by the people who love us most. And boy did we make out like bandits. I can't think of a single thing that you would need that we don't have. We are all set to go. Mama's bags are packed and ready for the big day. I even have the cutest little outfit picked out for you to wear when you get here. I hope you like it.

The thing I can't stop thinking about is that you could arrive at any second. Your days in Heaven are almost over...for now. And while this place will never be as beautiful or peaceful or perfect, I hope to give you a wonderful life filled with love. I'm going to do the best I can. As your mom, I know I'll make mistakes. I know things won't always be perfect. But I want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what obstacles you face, I will love you forever. That is something you can always trust will remain constant in your life. We've waited for you for so long, and I can already tell you...you were worth every second of it.

I'll admit, I will miss having you in my belly. It's such a comfort to me to be able to feel you kick and move around. I never feel alone. But it's time for us to meet face to face. I can't wait to hold your little hand and kiss your sweet cheeks. I'll warn you now, you will be smothered in kisses. I hope you don't mind it too much. Ohhhh, I hope you are a cuddler. Both me and your dad love to cuddle. And one last request, please get here safe. That's all I ask. I love you.

Love,
Mama

p.s. I'm sorry for bothering you while you're sleeping. When you've been still for too long, I get nervous. (Yes, your mother is a worrier. I apologize for that in advance.) So, when you're right in the middle of a good rest and you feel me nudge you, it's all out of love. I'm expecting paybacks of being woken up in the middle of a good night's sleep once you get here. (I forgive you in advance.) Love you.

Here I "GROW" Again.

2010-06-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

38 Weeks.

Bigger and bigger by the second. That's my motto lately. I am exactly 39 weeks today. One week exactly until my little guy is due. Crazy. I still can't believe it. I've officially gotten into "freak out" mode. Now, when I have to get up to pee in the middle of the night (which has risen to a record 5 times as of late), I can't get back to sleep-- Something I have NEVER had a problem with before in my life. I just lay awake and think about him. I think about the labor. I think about what he'll look like. I think about how Clayton and I will handle this new adventure. Mostly, I just worry a lot about his health. Please, just let him be healthy. Right now, my main goal is to try and keep my stress level under control. Clayton tells me about a hundred times a day, "Nik, just relaaaaaax." I'm trying. Boy am I trying.

Finishing Touches.

2010-06-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

Is it possible that the little ticker to the right actually says "about 13 days to go..."? Reality started to sink in on the way to my second baby shower in Wellton. As we were driving there my sister said, "You know, technically you're not even supposed to be traveling at this point." My immediate reaction was, "Why?" I didn't even consider the fact that I could go into labor at any time, and it wouldn't even be out of the ordinary. I can't tell you how many women have told me they ended up in labor with their first around 37-38 weeks. Since then, I've been working my fanny off to get all the last minute things done. I've got a couple things that I have yet to check off of my list, but for the most part, I'd say we're ready.

This is PART of the top of Van's closet. You can't even see the other side, but it is wall to wall (and almost to the ceiling) filled with diapers and wipes thanks to all the wonderful people who came to my baby showers.

This is one side of his closet. The product of my OCD. I've tried to get as organized as possible, so as to avoid as much stress as possible. So far, it's working....somewhat.

All of his clothes (0-3 months) are washed and ready.

More clothes, washed and smelling delicious.

We literally have blankets coming out our eyeballs. This is only a fraction of them. And thanks to our grandparents and all of Clayton's "2nd mom's", most of them are hand made and gorgeous. Van will never be cold.

Here is the continuance of our diapers and blankets under his crib.

His sheets are fresh and clean and his dog "Bones" from my cousin Ashley is waiting for him so she'll always be close by.

Bottles, nipples, and pacifiers all sterilized and ready to find out which ones he likes.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go.

Rocking chair is ready for all my middle of the night feedings.

Stroller in the trunk.

Carseat is strapped in. (After about a half hour of frustration and one pretty serious meltdown.) I was trying to do it myself and wasn't having the best of luck. It was 112 degrees outside, and I was sweating like a pig trying to get this thing secured. I think I had unrealistic expectations for one thing. I thought it should be virtually immovable when it was strapped in right. I would pull the belt as tight as I could and then get more and more upset every time I grabbed the seat and it wiggled all over. I went inside to re-read the manual and as soon as I saw Clayton, I started bawling. "How can I be a good mom when I can't even get the stupid carseat buckled in right??" (I blame this completely on pregnancy hormones.) Clayton calmly took my hand and walked me outside. Within 10 seconds, he had it strapped down and ready to go. Thanks for coming to my rescue honey, and sorry for the hysteria.

At his point, I'd say we're ready as we'll ever be. Now, all we need is our baby.

The Musicians.

2010-06-22T13:54:00.000-07:00

We all got together on Father's Day to celebrate all the wonderful men in our lives and my neices and nephews decided to entertain us. Lucky us.
(Sorry for all the background noise.)

Here's Brock and Brody singing their catchy little tune.

This is little Kate singing her favorite song.

And last but not least, Miss Personality, Embry. You think she's ready for American Idol?

Thanks for the entertainment guys. You're awesome.

Daddy to Be.

2010-06-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

Look at that face. I often wonder what Van will look like. In fact, it's the thing I wonder about most lately. If he looks like me, he will basically be a replica of my little brother (who is the boy version of me.) And if he looks like his daddy...well, who could complain? Not me. Either way, I'm excited to meet my little guy. Honestly, that was one of the main reasons I was so upset when I thought Clayton and I might not have kids of our own. We always knew that adoption was an option for us. We'd already decided that is the route we would take if it never happened for us naturally. I knew that I would love my kids just the same whether they were adopted or not, but there was one thing that always hurt my heart when I thought about it. I would never know what Clayton and I were capable of making. I would never know what the combination of our features would produce. I would never know what personality traits would come from me and which would come from their dad. But in a couple of short weeks, I'll know. And in a couple of short weeks, I'll get to see the person I love most in the world be "dad". I've never once doubted that Clayton would be a good dad. He was made for this. These days, I literally cry for no reason at all, but every time I think of him holding our son, I can't hold back my tears.

Clayton,
I know you'll be awesome at this. There is no doubt in my mind. I would not want to start a family with anyone but you. We've been on a lot of adventures together, and this is the scariest one yet. But it's also the most wonderful and exciting. Just remember to keep a hold of my hand and we can do this together. I love you.
Love,
Your Baby Mama

Any Day Now.

2010-06-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

36 weeks

When I see people now-a-days, the first words out of their mouth are usually, "Any day now, huh?" Most of the time, their jaws drop when I say, "Actually, I still have 4 weeks left." Seeing as this is my first pregnancy, I never know what to expect. It makes me a little nervous when all the experienced mamas out there give me that pitty look and say, "Ohhh, he's going to be a big boy." Yikes! Luckily, I am somewhat like my sisters, in that they usually have a growth spurt in the middle and taper off at the end. For a while, at my appointments, my doctor was telling me that I was measuring big. I kept thinking, "Hmmm....does that mean I'm big or he's big?" At my last two appointments, he says I'm right on schedule so that's put my mind at ease a little bit. I guess we'll see.

I can definately feel my body starting to get ready for the big day. Lately I have puffy, swolen feet. I've got strange aches and pains I've never felt before. And it's a workout just to put my shoes on. Literally. I have one pair that I cannot reach the strap to get them buckled. I can't wear them unless someone is here to help me put them on. haha. And then we move on to the stretch marks. Oh boy, do I have them. I thought I was in the clear, but those little devils just popped up out of nowhere. One morning, I just looked down and there they were. Oh well. If that's the price I pay to get Van here, I think I got a bargain.

I can't believe he will be here in a little over 3 weeks. 3 weeks until the biggest day of my life. 3 weeks until I have a son. 3 weeks until I'm a mom. I just can't wrap my mind around it. I wonder if Van is in Heaven thinking, "Relax mom, it's all going to be ok." If he's anything like his dad, that's exactly what he's thinking. Every morning I wake up and I'm thankful that this hasn't been one, long, beautiful dream. I think it's safe to say it's real. Thank goodness.

Showered with Love.

2010-06-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official. After 2 baby showers filled with people we love, Van is officially spoiled. Rotten. His room basically looks like Baby's-R-Us threw up on it. We have everything we need and then some to make his and our lives as easy as possible when he gets here. The first shower was at my sister's house in Gilbert. (Don't have any pictures from that one yet....Sarah, can you pretty please make a CD for me with any that you took? Thank you!) And the second was down in Wellton, given by Clayton's wonderful family. I can't believe all the work that everyone went through with the decorations and the planning. I don't even know how to thank everyone except to say that I love all of you. Here's some snip its from the Wellton shower.

They had little blocks on all of the tables that either said "Come Fly With Me" or "Worth The Wait" on one side and Van's name on the other. (All made out of the fabric I used to for his bedding, I might add. So cute.)

This is the gorgeous quilt that my mother-in-law made for Van. I absolutely love it. I don't have a picture of it yet, but my sister-in-law made me a diaper bag that matches. Absolutely amazing.

One of the games was to make a baby out of play-dough. Of course, Tamra had to win when I saw her baby sitting on top of an airplane. Precious.

Valerie, Me, Tamra, and Amy

My little man has his first hunting outfit. I'm so excited. I looked all over for camo stuff. Leave it to my mama to find the perfect little outfit. I even have a camo bottle to go with it. Love it!

All in all, we had such a fun time. And Van just kicked away the entire time, so I know he enjoyed it too. Thanks for everything Kathy, Valerie, Danelle, and Gwen. Everything was perfect. I love you guys.

33 Weeks.

2010-06-14T09:22:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted a picture in a while. For those of you who thought, "There is no way she can get any bigger." Surprise!! I did! :)

Keys.

2010-06-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

My entire life, I've always known I wanted to be a mother. I never questioned it. It seemed second nature. When I grow up, I want to get married, have kids, and be happy. That's really all I've ever wanted out of life. There were times over the last 5 years that I wasn't sure Heavenly Father had the same plans for Clayton and I that we had for ourselves. I had to come to terms with the fact that we might never be able to have kids of our own. On some level, I always knew that they would come, but there was always that underlying fear. And then, last October, our entire world changed. It was time. Finally. And even after all these months, sometimes I'm not sure it's quite sunk in. I still look at my round belly and feel him kick and think, "Really?" And now it's only 5 weeks away. I will have my son in my arms in 5 weeks.

I feel like I'm standing in front of a door, waiting to go inside. And I just keep thinking, "Did I bring my key?" Do I have what it takes to be the kind of mom I want to be? Will I be able to give him the kind of life I want him to have? I've never had so many emotions about one single thing in my life. I'm more excited than I've ever been and more terrified. I feel so ready and so unprepared. I want the next 5 weeks to fly and then I want a few extra days. But a couple of things are certain, he will come when he's ready and we will love him. That's one thing that helps calm my nerves. I may not know a lot of things about how to be a mom yet, but I know how to love. He will be loved.

Mission: Complete

2010-06-04T12:01:00.000-07:00

I did it! I finished my clinicals, and Van is still safe in my tummy. For the past 12 weeks, I have had the most hellacious schedule (especially for a big, fat pregnant lady!) On Mondays, I have class which consists of the most grueling tests I've ever taken (talk about nerve racking), and on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday I have been doing 12.5 hours on my feet at the hospital (not to mention the 1-2 hour drive to and from my clinical sites). Let me just say, it's been tough. But honestly, I've loved it. I learned so much at the hospitals I was able to go to. I can't even tell you how nervous I was that all that walking and time on my feet was going to put me into early labor. I was nervous a couple of times when I started having some pretty intense pains, but it turned out to be nothing. Thank goodness. Luckily my little man is still not ready to come yet. Hopefully he can hold out another 5 weeks. I'm still not completely done with school. I still have "clinicals", but they are at my school in the Simulation Lab, and it's only 4 hours a day now instead of 12. That sounds a lot better to my swollen ankles. Now, the countdown really begins. I've got 3 more weeks of lab clinicals, 1 week of review, and then my final. After 2 years of school, it seems surreal that it's about to end. I'm a little bit sad to close this chapter, it's been a fun ride. But as far as I can tell, the next chapter sounds a whole lot more exciting...and I can't wait to turn the page.

Home Stretch.

2010-05-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Van,

Hi there, love. How's life in my belly? I'm sorry for it being so cramped in there. I feel stuffed to the brim, so I can only imagine how you feel. Speaking of stuffed to the brim. You gave Mama her first stretch mark. Knowing the women in our family, I'm sure it's the first of many. I don't mind it though. It helps me to know that you're growing big and strong. As long as you're healthy, I'm happy. I have another doctor appointment on Monday. I hope I get to see you this time. He said he might do another ultrasound to check your growth. Apparently you are measuring "on the high side" according to my doctor. Well, at this point I'm not sure if it's you or me that's "on the high side", but one of us sure is. I can't help but smile. As I'm writing this to you, you are kicking around like a wild man in my tummy. I love feeling you move. I guess I should apologize because sometimes when you're really still (probably sleeping), I nudge you until you wake up and start moving. Not very nice of me, I know, but I can't help it. I just can't get enough of you.

So, exciting news!! I know you already know, but it's exciting for all of us here on earth. We just found out that your Uncle T.J. and Aunt LaChae are having a boy! It's your future best buddy. During all that time when your dad and I were trying to get you here, I can say my biggest fear was that all of your cousins would be so much older than you. I wanted you to be able to grow up with family your age because I had that, and my cousins are some of my best buds. I have always wanted that for you, and now I've got yet another wish come true. You are going to have so many cousins your age to play with you're not even going to know what to do with yourself. I can already picture a lot of memorable summers to come.

So, you sure got spoiled last weekend. It was Mama's baby shower for you, and you got all kinds of awesome stuff. You're going to be the best dressed kid around, and you've got lots of fun gadgets to keep you entertained. There sure are a lot of people who already love you so much. None of them as much as me and your dad of course, but just the same...you've got a lot of love waiting for you down here.

We've only got 6 1/2 weeks until you are here with us now. The clock is really ticking. I can't wait to meet you. It's more anticipation than all the Christmas Eve's of my entire life combined. I can't imagine loving you more than I already do right now, but I'm sure I'll find a way. Keep yourself safe in there, love. We're in the home stretch. We love you more than you'll ever know, son. Thanks for making our dreams come true.

Love,
Mama

2:36 AM

2010-05-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

As it turns out, my bladder has made a new best friend. 2:36 AM. Lately they have been virtually inseparable. At first I thought it was cute. What a tight little bond they had formed. Now, it's just starting to get old. So, I just have one favor to ask...

Dear Bladder,

Would you mind finding a new friend? Like maybe 6:30 AM or 7:15 AM. I'm sure they are just as cool as 2:36 AM. And I'll sure be a lot more happy to deal with you. That would be great. Thanks so much!

Sincerely,
Your Rightful Owner

The Countdown Begins.

2010-05-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Van,

Hello my love. It's been a while since I've written you. Mama has been so busy. You know that better than anyone since you're with me wherever I go. Sorry if I've been tossing you around lately, I've been on my feet quite a bit and running around like crazy. I'm trying to get all of my school done before you get here. Speaking of that, I have a favor to ask. Please be patient, little V. You know I can't wait to get you here, but I really want to finish school before you come. I want to be able to spend all my time with you. So, if you could wait until your due date, that would be perfect. Thanks sweetie.

Nanny and I got to see you today at my doctor's appointment. I haven't seen you in such a long time. I missed you. This was the first ultrasound I've had since I've really been able to feel you move. It was so fun to see you punching and kicking around and actually be able to feel it at the same time. The doctor said you are really active. Here we go, right? Your dad and I have no doubts that you will be a wild man. We were both tyrants when we were little, so I guess now is the time for paybacks. When I think of you, I picture a little blonde haired, green eyed charmer that can get away with murder because of his smile. Go easy on us, love. We're new at this.

Well, we only have 10 weeks left until you're here with us. Your dad and I were talking about it the other day. We only have 10 weeks left of our whole existence that we won't be parents. Then, from that point on--for the rest of forever, we will always be someone's mom and dad. Yours. I was trying to make your dad nervous, but he's nothing but excited. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous. Ok, really nervous. I've wanted to be a mom for so long, and now that it's happening...I just hope I've done enough to prepare. I know I'll never be completely ready for you, but I just want to be able to give you the best life I possibly can. I love you so much already. Thank you for choosing to come to our family. I can't wait to meet you. Until then, keep kicking, bud. Just try and stay away from the bladder. I love you.

Love,
Mama

30 weeks.

Here's the finishing touches to Van's room. Now, it's complete.

My favorite part of the room. Worth the Wait. Says it all.

How Old Are We Again?

2010-04-26T18:31:00.001-07:00

Lately, I keep looking in the mirror and asking myself, "Ok....how old am I again?" It seems like life is just flying right now. Last Friday, Clayton and I celebrated our 6th anniversary. We've been married 6 years. Crazy. I feel so grown up. I think this anniversary has been set apart from all the others for the simple fact that it's our last one with just the two of us. From now on, when we go out for our anniversary, we'll need to find a sitter. It's so weird to think about that. Clayton and I have gotten so used to just getting up and going whenever we want. That is definitely going to be a transition for us. But it's a transition that we are so excited for.

Lately, I keep finding myself staring at Clayton and just realizing how lucky I am. I wouldn't want a family with anyone else. He is my everything. And while we've both impatiently awaited the day we'd have kids, I'm so glad for all the time that we were able to spend together. Just the two of us. I wouldn't change a thing.

Clayton, thank you for choosing me. There's no one that could ever complete my heart the way you do. Thank you for keeping me silly, and for never allowing me to truly grow up (because I don't want to. haha) Thank you for loving me and for being my perfect match.

I love you. I always will. Forever.

This year, I surprised Clayton and took him to The Melting Pot. I've always wanted to try it. And it was everything it was cracked up to be. So delicious. (And so expensive. Definitely a once-a-year kind of thing.)

Our main dish spread. We had lobster, tuna, chicken, steak, pork, and shrimp. They bring it out to your table seasoned, but still raw. Then you cook it yourself in the fondue pot in the middle of your table. So cool.

This was our dessert. I don't even have words for it. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. They have about 10 different types of chocolate to choose from, and then they bring a platter with strawberries, rice crispy treats, marshmallows, bananas, cheesecake, and pound cake. And you get to dip away until you're ready to puke. (Which we were by the end of the night.) So delicious.

Here's to 6 more, honey. Life is about to get a whole lot more crazy. Here we go!

Come Fly With Me.

2010-04-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

It's done. I can't believe his room is done. One more step completed, making us one step closer to having our little love here with us. I have to say, this was a little bit of an emotional process for me. For years it's been tradition in our family that every time one of my sisters was having a baby, we'd all get together to do the baby's room. We set aside a weekend, put all other plans on hold, and just work our butts off until it was done. It's been a tradition that I've loved. And it was finally my turn. Really? A baby room for MY baby? Man, it's still weird.

I had so many plans. From the second I found out it was a boy, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Airplanes. Aviation is something very dear to Clayton's heart. His dad was a pilot. He used to take Clayton flying all the time when he was little. Ever since I've known him, Clayton has dreamed of getting his pilot's license. And while that may still be a ways off, I thought his love for airplanes would be something he could pass along to our son.

Now, when I say airplanes, I don't mean cheesy, primary color, cartoon airplanes. I wanted a more sophisticated version. I went for the antique look. I still have some work to do as far as artwork. I found some awesome pictures of old war planes that I'm going to blow up to put on the shelf in the room. You'll notice, some parts of the room still look a little bare. It's still a work in progress, but I wanted to keep it simple.

When I walk in his room, I feel peaceful. Pretty much every morning I go in, sit in the rocking chair (a present from my nana to my mom--she used it to rock us when we were little), and just look around. In less than 3 months, I'm sure it will feel far less peaceful as I'm trying to figure out how to be a mom, but it will be full of life.

Thank you to my sisters and my mom (and my dad and Clayton for the wood work.) I can't even tell you how much I love the room. It's exactly what I hoped it would be. And I could not have done it without you. You guys are my best friends. I love you.

Here's a look at our journey. I was a long weekend. Lots of hard work. But hard work well worth it.

Here's us posing in front of our blank slate.

Tamra taping off the walls. (The second worst job in my book, sure-lining is the worst.)

Amy posing in front of her amazing handiwork. This bedding was made completely from scratch. She did most of the hard work. I designed it, but my sisters did the bulk of the work.

Getting to work.

The first swipe of paint. That's always my favorite part. I love painting over dingy walls and making them look new again.

Having a little fun.

The boys hanging the chair rail.

The most time consuming project. The boxes on the wall. If I'd have known how much work this part would be, I might have re-thought it. I'm glad I didn't though because I love how it turned out.

Measuring, leveling, stapling, cutting...ugh! Doesn't Tamra look like she's having fun?

Putting up the trim around the boxes. Clayton loves his power tools.

I found these antique planes and decided to hang them from the ceiling as sort of a mobile for Van to look at.

I love how it turned out. Just some fishing line and a staple gun.

Done. Whew!

The view from the door.

This wall is still a little bare. I'm keeping it simple, but I do have a few things to add to finish it off.

His crib and his name on the wall. Another one of my favorite parts.

Check out that bedding. You can tell my sisters how amazing they are next time you see them.

And for the final project I was most proud of...I watched Amy sew like a master, and I realized that I want to work on that. I've never been into learning how to sew or anything, but I decided I wanted to try. So, I sat down with all of my left over scraps and started piecing stuff together. Who knew I could make anything? And, not just anything, but something I actually like and felt was worthy to be in my son's room. I know, it's just a pillow. I'm not Martha Stewart (thank goodness), but I'm proud of it.

In the end I just have to say thank you again to everyone who helped. I appreciate you all so much. And I love Van's room. Now, the next step is getting him here so he can enjoy it for himself.

27 Weeks.

2010-04-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

Here's an update. Let's all say it together now: BEEEELLLLLYYYYY! Love it.

Sneak Peak.

2010-04-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

Well, it's finished...mostly. Last weekend, my sisters, my mom, and I created a masterpiece. My little man's room is done. And I LOVE IT!!! It's rare that things turn out exactly the way I had them pictured in my head, but this is one such case. I just have to finish up a few finishing touches, but all the hard work is complete. I will be posting the end results soon, but for now...here's a little taste:

Are you excited to see the rest??

One Fine Day.

2010-03-29T19:44:00.001-07:00

Did you ever have one of those days where you just thought, "This is a great day." Nothing super spectacular happens, but it's just one of those days when things just keep going your way? I had one today.

I woke up to the thought that I get to hear my little guys heartbeat at the doctor today. The best sound in the world. One fine day. When I walked outside to go to my appointment, it was a perfect day. Sun shining. No wind. The smell of orange trees. One fine day. At my appointment, the doctor said I'm measuring "right on the button". I got to hear the woosh-woosh sounds that make my heart happy. One fine day. I passed my test at school (1 of 2 out of my entire class). One fine day. I got to buy a nice homeless lady lunch at Taco Bell, and received a simple thank you of, "God bless you." One fine day. On my way home, I stopped by the mailbox and finally received a nice check from the Department of the Treasury with mine and Clayton's name on it. One fine day. And as I sat down to record my thoughts for the day, I looked at my baby counter and saw that I only have about 100 days left until I get to hold my little angel. One fine day.

Here's to more days like today.

So close I can TASTE it.

2010-03-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I start my very last semester at Apollo college. I'm so ready to be done. I think back to where I was 2 years ago before it even crossed my mind that I wanted to become a Respiratory Therapist. My world is such a different place now. Since then we moved from our first home, got a couple of roommates (mom and dad), bought a Jeep, sold a Jeep, and probably the biggest change of all is learning we were going to have our first baby. If I'd only known what life had in store for me, I wouldn't have worried so much. Isn't that how life always works? I guess I just need to learn that things work out. Period. Sometimes it's not the way we think they will or necessarily want them to, but they work out. And that's all that matters.

I remember when I started school in July 2008, I was so eager. I even loved homework. I couldn't wait to use that part of my brain again. And I can safely say, with the exception of one awful teacher, school has been awesome. I've worked my butt off, and I've done well. Now I just have to finish strong.

This may be the hardest semester of all. I've got 5 hours of class every Monday, and 12 hour shifts at the hospital Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday every week. The clinical days are what I'm most worried about. 12 hours a day on my feet right up until the end.

Which brings up an interesting point. Our little Van is due July 7. Anyone want to guess when I graduate? JULY 8. Can you believe that? I would say that we planned that just right, but everyone knows that Clayton and I had nothing to do with the planning. I guess Heavenly Father was just waiting for us to get all our ducks in a row and didn't want us to have to wait one second longer than needed. I just pray our little guy is patient. Coming early is not an option. (You hear that, love? Patience is a virtue!) I just don't want to have to finish up the tail end of school after he's here. I just want it all wrapped up with a nice pretty bow. Diploma, baby, and the rest of my life....in that order.

I guess in 2 more years, I look back at this and wonder why I worried. I'll just take my own advice. Things work out. PERIOD.

24 Weeks.

2010-03-18T15:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Van,

Hello my love. I hope everything is going good for you in my belly. I'm doing my best to keep you safe. I think I'm feeding you pretty well because you sure are getting big. I guess big isn't the right word. Ginormous fits you a little bit better. You should be proud of your Mama. I've passed up all of my pregnant friends and family in the "who has the bigger belly" contest. I'm a clear winner. And I love it. Daddy makes jokes that I look like a whale. People get offended for me, but I don't. I love my big belly and Daddy knows that calling me "BIG" is the best compliment he could give me. It's taken me a long time to earn the right to this belly and I'm proud of it.

You've been pretty active lately. Most of the time, after I eat, I can feel what seems like somersaults in my stomach. I love that you're a mover and a shaker now. It makes me feel safe. It's a constant reminder that you're always with me and I'm never alone anymore. I talk to you and sing to you all the time. Do you hear me? I hope so.

I can't believe you are going to be here with us in less than 4 months. 4 months?! That's it? It seems so weird. I wonder about you a lot. Are you still up in heaven playing with your brothers and sisters? I'm so jealous that you know them and I don't. At least not yet anyway, but I will. What is heaven like? I wish you could tell me. I guess we'll all be up there together one day. Thank goodness for forever families. I already love you too much to ever let you go.

Well, I hope I'll be getting another ultrasound soon. I've missed seeing you. Before I go, could I ask just one favor sweetie? Try and stay out of my rib cage. Mama needs to breathe, love.

I love you,

Mama

Labor of Love.

2010-03-15T15:08:00.001-07:00

BEFORE.

AFTER.

THE PROCESS.

WELL WORTH THE WORK.

When I look back through these pictures, it makes it look a whole lot more simplified than it actually was. Man, was this a lot of work! I'm so proud of the finished product though. We got this dresser from Clayton's Grandpa Toot about 5 years ago. He had moved and he told us to go into his house and pick something of his that we wanted. The second I saw this dresser, I fell in love with it. Sure, it was beat up. It was a project far beyond my skill level, but I knew it could be beautiful again. So, we took it home with us and put it in our bedroom. And it sat. And sat. And sat. For 5 years, every time I looked at it I would think, "I'll get to you some day you beautiful mess." Then came the news of our baby. And with that news came my obsession with his nursery. I want it to be perfect for him. That was my motivation. My sweet little guy deserves the best. Now, he's a boy (I'm aware) so I know he wouldn't care if I put his clothes in a cardboard box, but I just felt like it was time to give this dresser the attention it needed and what better reason than to do it for my little one? My dad was the main engineer behind the project, and we couldn't have done it without him. I know from these pictures it looks like I didn't do a dang thing but smile with a can of stain in my hand, but I promise I worked too! I'm just always the one behind the camera.

Dear Van,

Here's your very first present from mom, dad, and grandpa. We hope you love it.

Love,

Mama

Larson Family Escape.

2010-02-28T16:06:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, we decided to round up the family and go out for a camping trip. I wasn't sure if I would go or not because I had a monster cold, but I ended up deciding that I was strong enough to tough it out. Plus, we don't get to do this very often and I didn't want to miss the chance to get out with my family and have some fun. When we first got there, it was raining like crazy, so all the girls and kids stayed in the shelter of our cars while the boys set up our tents and awnings. As soon as they were done, the rain stopped, and it ended up being a pretty nice weekend. Still cold, but nice. I hope we can do this more often, it was a blast! Here's some of my favorite moments:

Tamra, LaChae, Amy, and Me supporting the company my brother works for.

Hadley, Mom, Jake, Amy, Brock, Me, LaChae, and Kate.

Our setup.

Dallin and Lily loving the quads. (Which would turn out to be the source of a monster headache later on.)

Clayton and Jake. Can't wait till ours is here. I love watching him with kids.

Me and the hubs.

Here I am having some fun with some noise canceling headphones when we were skeet shooting. If my ears need to be protected, so do Van's....right?

How much fun can you have with a bunch of kids, a tarp, and the wind? Turns out...lots!

Going for a ride.

My BEEF with the Arizona Game and Fish:

Isn't it correct that our streets are not as safe as they could be because there is not enough money to employ all the police officers we need to do the job? Isn't it correct that our nation is in trillions upon trillions of dollars in debt? Aren't we just looking for any place to save some money? I've got a plan. Instead of laying off waves and waves of teachers that we need so badly and cutting off funding for worthwhile projects, why don't we get rid of the ARIZONA GAME AND FISH department?? There we are, out in the middle of nowhere with all the kids: roasting marshmallows, laughing by the campfire, going for the occasional quad ride, and minding our own business...when game and fish decide to do the best they can to ruin our weekend. My brother in law Jordan took his cute little family out for a ride on the quad. (Needless to say, they had their baby Jake with them, so they were not doing anything crazy.) While they were out, Clayton decided to take our nephew Brock out for a ride also. They had been gone for quite a while, when I see Jordan driving up on the quad BY HIMSELF (followed by THREE quads from the Game and Fish department). What in the world? Where's Tamra and the kids? Then, I looked and see them walking back to camp. (Game and Fish made Tamra and the boys get off and walk back because they didn't feel it was "safe" for them to be on the quad.) Then, I hear they are writing a ticket for Jordan for all of these ridiculous things. In my mind, I was just praying that Clayton would stay out long enough to avoid these fools. Of course, right then here he comes riding up with Brock. One of the Game and Fish nazi's whizzes right over to him and starts writing a ticket to Clayton for not have a helmet on Brock. Then, they start inspecting our camp to make sure all of our quads had the correct stickers and making sure we were following all the other ridiculous rules. Are you kidding me?? Why don't they go find the idiots that are getting drunk and crashing quads into things? Here we are just trying to get our family out of the city for one weekend and enjoy being out in the open, and they try and ruin it. Do we really have enough money to have THREE of them just riding around the desert looking for people to bug? Ohhh, I'm getting flustered all over again just thinking about it. I wanted to tell them to go away, leave us alone, and do something useful with their time (which I probably would have said, but Clayton made me walk away. haha)

So, how much do you think a ticket costs to take a cute little 10 year old boy out for a fun quad ride? ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY EIGHT DOLLARS. Needless to say, the Arizona Game and Fish are not high on my good list at the moment.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better.

Half Way There.

2010-02-18T18:35:00.000-08:00

20 weeks.

Is it possible that I'm half way done? Man, that flew. It seems like everything happens really slowly in the beginning. Sure, my clothes didn't fit and I felt super bloated, but I still didn't really LOOK pregnant. Then, all of a sudden...BAM. I have to say, I love my belly. Love it, love it. It's been about 17 weeks since I found out I was pregnant, but it's still surreal. Literally at least once a day I stare at myself in the mirror thinking, "How did this finally happen?" I've dreamt about what it would be like for so long. And now, in another 20 weeks, he'll be here. My son. My little Van. (Or my "Mini-Van" as the joke in the family goes.)

For the past couple weeks at school, I've seen these posters around saying that the sonography class is looking for volunteers for people who would like a free ultrasound. Hello?? I chance to see my little guy between appointments? I jumped at the chance. I called the teacher and told her I was free to do it any day, anytime. Luckily, that same day I ran into her when I was leaving the bathroom. She asked if I would mind coming in right then to have the ultrasound done. Would I mind? Are you kidding? She grabbed her whole class (which coincidentally includes my cousin Jarom and my Aunt Susan) to come in and watch. Every ultrasound I've had up until this point was no more than 5 minutes long. The doctor knows exactly what he's looking for. So it's pretty much: here's the head, the legs, the arms...healthy boy, the end. Well, this was completely different. She was using it as a teaching experience for her class, so she took her time. I got to stare at my Van for 45 minutes while she pointed out everything from his pinky toes to the 4 chambers of his heart. It was amazing. It turns out he's got 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 kidneys, a stomach, and a perfect little heart. She also confirmed that he is indeed a boy, so that was fun.

I feel like my mommy instincts are already kicking in. I just knew when I laid down on the table that she probably wasn't going to get a whole lot of movement out of him. This was during the time when he's normally sleeping (or so I think because he never kicks during that time of day). Sure enough, when she first brought up the screen, it was hard to see much of anything because he was curled in a little ball. Do I already know my son, or what? haha. Well, she poked around my belly for a while, and then he got a lot more active. At one point, she had the picture set on his face just waiting for him to do something. She kept saying, "Come on baby, stick out your tongue or open your mouth or something." Right then, he got the hiccups!! I could see his belly move in and out and his mouth open and close with every one. It was precious. Here's a close up shot of him with his mouth open:

It was so fun seeing you, little one. Can't wait till the next time.
I love you.

Little Kicks.

2010-02-09T09:05:00.000-08:00

I felt it. The most amazing feeling in the world. We've seen him move around on the ultrasound, but I've never been able to feel anything. Until now. I was laying in bed, and I told Clayton that I thought I felt something. I remembered something I read on babycenter.com about the baby being able to sense light. It said if you shine a flashlight to your belly, the baby can see it and they are likely to move away to the other side of your tummy. I told Clayton to grab a flashlight. He came back all excited to see if our experiment would work. I sat very still, and told him to put it up to my belly while my hand was on the opposite side. Sure enough - little kick. I knew it was him, and not just my tummy rumbling. The very first time I felt him move. 1.27.10 That was a great day.

Clayton felt it. There we were laying in bed, ready to put a long day behind us, when I noticed my little man was playing soccer in my belly. Everyone had told me that I would be able to feel it before you could actually feel it from the outside. But, he was kicking harder than he normally does and I thought this time Clayton might be able to feel it too. I took his hand a put it on my stomach and waited. After a minute or so of us sitting there in silence, completely still, Clayton pushed on my tummy and immediately after he got a little return jab. He jumped. "Was that him?!?" Clayton couldn't believe it. I can't describe it, it just felt like things were complete. Our first family interaction. 2.2.10

Thanks for giving us the perfect gift, little man. I've never enjoyed being kicked so much in my life. We love you.

I Promise To.

2010-02-01T20:45:00.000-08:00

Since I found out I was pregnant, I've been writing letters to my little man. I never want to forget exactly what I'm thinking or feeling right at the moment I feel it. I want him to know how much of a blessing and a wonder he is to me. I was reading a friend's blog, and I absolutely loved her post to her son. And it got me thinking about Van. What promises do I want to make to him?

I promise to:

Let you play in the rain.
Let you make your bed in your own way and not go in and fix it if it's not exactly perfect.
Laugh at all of your jokes.
Let you get as muddy as you want on occasion.
Not make you give me a kiss in front of your friends unless you want to (which I hope you do)--However, hugs are mandatory.
Play Cowboys & Indians/Power Rangers/Star Wars/etc.
Sometimes let you eat breakfast for dinner.
Give you the best life I possibly can.
Never forget what a miracle you are.
Sing to you.
Love your dad with all of my heart, all of my life.
Remember that most of your bad habits probably came from me.
Never lose my sense of humor.
Keep our family my number one priority.
Appreciate the small things and remember that they are actually the big things.
Remember that the most memorable days always end in the dirtiest clothes.
Tell you I love you too often.
Never grow up.
Protect you.
Sometimes let you fail.
Heal your ouchies with my magic touch.
Raise you with the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Do the best I can to prepare you for your mission and a temple marriage.
Be your friend when you want it and your mother when you need it.
Make you put down the remote or video game and go play outside whether you like it or not (one day you'll thank me).
Be silly.
Sometimes let you pick out your own clothes, even if they don't match.
Let you have guy time with your dad.
Teach you that telling a lie is always worse than admitting a mistake.
Be someone you can tell anything to.
Love you no matter what.

The Big Day.

2010-02-01T20:32:00.000-08:00

17 Weeks

This is the day we found out that our little Van was in fact a little Van and not a little Weslyn. Since then, all I can think of is BOY BOY BOY. It makes everything seem so much more real. My son is on his way and we couldn't be more excited. Sometimes I still can't help but ask myself, "Am I dreaming?"

When we got home from our appointment, my parents were anxiously awaiting our news. My mom said that she would disown me if I told her over the phone, so they had to wait our entire 30 minute ride back home to find out. We walked into the house, and my parents were sitting on the couch with a little surprise on the coffee table. My mom found the bag of clothes and signs that I used when I told Clayton I was pregnant. I laid out a boy outfit with "Van" on top of it and a girl outfit with "Weslyn" on top of it. Now, that same scene was right before my eyes, only this time...it was no longer a question. We made them guess one last time, and then we grabbed the boy stuff and said, "IT'S A BOY!"

It's a...

2010-01-25T10:30:00.000-08:00

BOY!

No doubt about it. My sweet little man gave us a nice shot. He wanted us to be certain and stop calling him "it". I have to admit, throughout my entire pregnany, we mostly said "he" anyway. I think deep down Clayton and I both knew. And now we know for sure. He's on his way!

Dear Van,

My goodness, you don't know how good it feels to finally give you a name. Today was our doctor's appointment. As always, I was super nervous. Not because I was worried if you were going to be a boy or a girl, but because I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Your dad and I haven't seen you in over a month, and I always get a little worried going into my appointments. But as soon as the doctor put the ultrasound up on the screen, you were waving right at us! The doctor said, "Oh, hello! The baby is excited to see you." He told us that you weren't in the best position for us to be able to tell what you were. But right then, you flipped right over in my belly. Dr. Beck told us he thought he saw a little something, and my heart about jumped out of my throat. He looked a little closer and said, "Oh yeah, it's definately a boy. Meet your son." My son. My son. I can't say it enough. I looked at your dad and I've never seen him look so excited. "YEAH!" was all he said. His eyes were glued to the screen.

We are so excited that you were chosen to come to our family first. My whole life, I always said I would love to have a boy first so that all of my children would have a big brother to look after them and protect them. And now, I've got my wish. You have already been the answer to so many long awaiting questions and prayers, and you're only 16 weeks old. I know you're something special because Heavenly Father has been preparing your dad and I for quite a while to bring you into this world. At times, it will be a scary place. But I know that you'll be strong. My strong little man. Thank you for choosing us. We love you so much.

I love you my son,
Mama

Pink or Blue?

2010-01-22T08:33:00.000-08:00

We'll find out the answer to our biggest question on MONDAY. Will we be decorating the baby's room with butterflies or airplanes? What's your vote: boy or girl?

Lots of new posts, keep scrolling.

2010-01-01T17:32:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Me, Farwell to 2009.

2010-01-01T16:56:00.000-08:00

My birthday was great this year. I woke up and got to go to breakfast with my sweet hubby, my mom, and my dad. From there, I rushed off to a much needed hair appointment. Next up was pedicures with two of my friends that I love so much. And then straight back to the house to get ready for our New Years Eve party at Amy and Dustin's house. It was a day full of getting pampered and having fun.

Clayton surprised me with a card. Inside was a gift card for iTunes, and a certificate for a prenatal massage. I'm so excited. I've only had one massage in my whole life, and I loved it. Thank you, honey! You made my day.

Most of us were really excited for the new year to come...

Some of us were not.

Happy New Year Clayton. This year is going to be our best one yet. And guess what we get to say now.....WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS THIS YEAR!

When did THAT happen?

2009-12-31T16:31:00.000-08:00

13 Weeks

So this morning I wake up, get showered, and go to my closet to find something to wear for the day. I selected a rather cute plaid button up purple shirt that I love. I threw it on and began to button. Ummmm.....what in the world? I can't get it buttoned! I looked down at my bulging belly and started laughing. I swear it fit me last week. How could that be? And then a conversation from about 10 weeks ago replayed in my head.

Mom: Well Nik, you may be like me and not have a belly for a long time. I was in zip up jeans until 7 months when I was pregnant. I would walk around with my stomach stuck out as far as I could get it just so people would know that I was pregnant.

Me: Oh! That BETTER not be me. I've wanted to be pregnant for so long, I would be so sad. I want the belly, I want the morning sickness, I want the pregnant lady glow, I want all of it!

Well, I guess someone was listening carefully because I've sure got it! And you know what...I love it. Every second of it. I will miss my clothes that I won't be able to wear for quite a while, but I hope my sisters enjoy them. So long size 4!

Is it that time already?

2009-12-31T15:27:00.000-08:00

It seems like yesterday that we pulled all of my Christmas boxes off the shelves and uncovered all my forgotten treasures from last year. Can it already be time to put them all away? I always get a little bit sad when Christmas time is over. There's so many things I love about this time of year:

The Cold Weather

The Jolly Spirits

Christmas Tree Smell

Wrapping Paper

Christmas Parties

Yummy Goodies

Extra Time With Family

Christmas Lights

We do have one thing to look forward to, next time I get out all my Christmas decor, we will have a new addition to our lives and one more thing to be thankful for.

From the Osborn house to yours, we hope you had a Merry Christmas.

Beautiful sights...and sounds.

2009-12-21T15:06:00.000-08:00

Dear Baby,

Hi there little one. We got a chance to see you again today. Once again, you amaze me. You gave us a little scare at first though. As soon as we got in to our appointment, the doctor said he wanted to listen to your heart and see how you were doing. He warned me and told me that it might take him a minute to find your heart beat. I didn't pay much attention because I remember hearing it immediately the last time. He put the thing on my belly and.....nothing. He moved it around quite a few times and.....nothing. My heart started beating faster and faster. I didn't dare look over at your dad because I knew I would lose it, so I just stared at the ceiling and waited. And then, after what seemed like a million years, FINALLY!! The doctor said, "There it is. That's much too fast to be your heart rate." I asked him to double check because my heart was beating a million times a minute. But sure enough, we heard it. You must have been hiding. Little stinker. Right after he picked up your heart beat, he said that 12 weeks along is a good time to check to see if you had Down Syndrome. Lucky us, we got to see you again this month! He put the jelly on my belly and brought up the picture of you on the screen. Amazing. I don't know any other word to describe it. At first, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I asked the doctor with a shocked look, "Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?" I couldn't believe it. You were kicking your legs and shaking your arms around like a little dancing fool. I wish I could have felt it, that's all I kept thinking. It's a little too early for that though, you're still a little too small. But we've waited long enough for everything else, I think we can wait for that. And good news...all your measurements looked good, no abnormalities that he could find. The doctor took a great picture of your cute little face. I look at it every day. You're a beautiful sight. Already, I just can't get enough. Your dad asked the doctor if he could tell if you were a boy or a girl. He looked around for quite a while and said he might have been able to tell, but the cord was right between your legs. Hopefully next time, and then we can give you a name! Until then, I hope you know how much your dad and I love you. We can't wait to see you again. Grow big and strong, little one.

Love,

Mama

2009-12-07T15:18:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

9 Weeks.

2009-12-07T14:03:00.000-08:00

9 weeks

So far, my pregnancy consists of:

Exhaustion

Nausea (only a little)

Moments of "Is this really happening?" (lots of them)

Complete disgust of most foods I usually love

A chubby belly (doesn't quite look like a baby bump yet)

A constant hunger

Mood swings galore (poor Clayton)

Lots and lots of gagging

A super human sense of smell

Absolute GLEE

I can't even describe how much my life has changed since I found out we are going to have a baby. It's the most life altering thing that has ever happened to me. I've dreamt about this for so long, but there was no way to prepare for how it would really be. While the not so great stuff is definitely there (my never quenchable appetite for sleep, my occasional grouchiness at my husband for no apparent reason, and my uncontrollable gag reflex), it's so hard to care about any of that because THERE'S A BABY IN MY BELLY! The time is already flying by. I'll be 10 weeks on Wednesday, and the baby will be the size of kumquat (whatever that is). Every Wednesday, when I reach another week I get an email from babycenter.com telling me exactly what's happening with the baby. I always text Clayton and give him little updates like, "Guess what! The baby's heart starts beating this week," or "This week the baby will have hands and feet!!" And his response is always the same, "Awesome...does it still have a tail?" haha. For those of you who don't know, the baby starts out looking more like a tadpole than a human. The "tail" actually grows to be the baby's spinal cord. And last week, that was the big update for him, "Guess what! NO MORE TAIL!!" "Yahooo!" was all I got back. haha. He's so excited. Clayton has always loved kids, but he's taken a special interest in the little ones now. He was always afraid to hold babies because he was afraid he would "break them", but now he's finally over that hurdle. My niece Hadley and my nephew Jake are his favorite things right now. We were babysitting for my sister Amy a couple of weeks ago, and I was getting some of the other kids into the bath. I came into the living room to see Clayton feeding Hadley her bottle, and he just looked so natural. I just stopped and stared at him for a while. I felt like I was looking at the future. A future I can't wait to get to. Clayton will be the best dad. I know we've got a lot to learn still, but thanks to my sisters, brother, cousins, and friends we've had more practice than any first time parents! haha. I think we are as ready as we'll ever be.

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has kept us in their prayers over the last few years. I know that our families have wanted this for us almost as much as we have. It means so much that we have so many people who love us. And if there ever was an example of Heavenly Father answering prayers, this is it. For everyone who prayed, thank you for being part of our miracle.

Our First Meeting.

2009-11-19T13:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Baby,

November 19, 2009. The first time we saw you. Unbelievable. The second the ultrasound popped up, I knew right where you were. Only the size of a blueberry, but there was no mistaking. And what made it even better, we saw your little heart beating. It was the most amazing thing. I immediately started crying and couldn't pull my eyes away from the monitor. Your dad was awe struck. He just kept saying, "Oh my goodness. I can't believe it." I've never seen him so happy. Then, my favorite part. The doctor said, "Want to see if we can hear the heartbeat?" Did he even have to ask? Then we heard the sweetest sound in the world. Woosh...woosh....woosh. So fast. It made my heart beat a little faster. And it made everything so real. You really are in there. Tiny, but there just the same. Can't wait to see you again.

I love you,
Mama

Miracles Happen.

2009-11-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Baby,

Well, a miracle happened. You are finally on your way. I cannot believe it! We've been trying to get you here for 4 long years. I remember telling your dad when I felt like it was time to start trying...I think I was more ready than he was. It made him a little nervous (little did he know he'd have 4 years to prepare.) He thought it over for a couple of days, and then came home with a pregnancy test and told me he was ready too. The first pregnancy test. The start of a journey. If we only knew how many we'd have to take between then and now.

After all this time of trying, for some reason, I knew this was the month. Something was different. Then came the day that changed my life forever. Two little pink lines. I couldn't believe it. After all the negative results, I didn't trust my eyes. Could it be??

Your dad and I are so excited, we can't hardly wait. It's been a long, hard road, but we've always had each other. Even during the times when I doubted you would ever come, your dad never lost faith. And now it's really happening. Weslyn Dee or Van Clayton--who are you?? I can't wait to meet you. I hope you never forget how much you are wanted. You must be super special because Heavenly Father sure made us wait a long time. We've been trying to convince him that we were ready for years. I guess He finally agreed. Well, ready or not--here you come! I can't even tell you how much I already love you.

Love,

Mama

You ready to play catchup?

2009-07-27T13:37:00.000-07:00

New Computer: $1000.00.
Vacations Completed: $700.00.
Camera Found: $0.00.

Time to sit down and blog: PRICELESS.

(Keep scrolling, I'm catching up on old posts and back dating them.)

I know. I know.

2009-05-12T14:56:00.000-07:00

I know I have been severely been neglecting my blog. But I have a wonderful excuse. My computer decided to go and get sick. It was running super slow, so my dad looked at it and said it had about 1.37 MILLION viruses on it. Ugh! We tried to fix it, and now it doesn't work at all. Lovely. Anyway, I'm at my sisters for the rest of the week babysitting my nephews while her and her husband are relaxing on a beach in Maui. ahhhhh, one day it will be our turn. :) Anyway, I'm taking advantage and using her computer. I have a ton of things I need to catch up on and no pictures here, but I do have one thing to share....

THIS IS WHERE WE SPENT OUR WEEKEND

THIS IS WHO WE SPENT IT WITH

AND THIS IS WHY

Clayton and I have been lake junkies lately. We took the boat out 4 times last week. We've been wake boarding and tubing like crazy, apparently a little too rough. During the middle of the week, Clayton was complaining that his shoulder was bothering him. He took some pain killers and didn't think much of it. Then we woke up Saturday morning, and he could barely move it. Now, Clayton is a pretty tough cookie so I can tell when something is really bothering him. As the day went on, it got worse and worse. That night, we were supposed to go to a dinner theatre with Clayton's family, and we ended up in Urgent Care instead. ALL NIGHT LONG. Man, I think they have a game they play where they just see how long people will wait for mediocre care. 5 hours later, we walked out with some HIGH DOSE pain killers, anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxers, a sling, and a diagnosis of a "strained shoulder". Clayton's doing ok, its still bothering him but he'll tough it out. I have to say, all those prescriptions make my husband an extra funny man. He is so out of it! His eyes are half-mass all day long, he keeps switching his words around, and he falls asleep mid-sentence. It's been interesting to say the least.

Happy Birthday Clayton.

2009-05-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

Meet Clayton's bike before

And Clayton's bike after

When Clayton left for his mission, he decided to buy a bike. A VERY expensive bike. A VERY VERY expensive bike. Clayton has made a lot of memories with this bike. He even has a pretty nasty scar on the back of his leg to prove it. When we lived in Sierra Vista at my parents house, Clayton left the bike in the backyard and the dogs thought it was their brand new shiny chew toy. Needless to say it was a wreck. When we moved up to the valley, the tires were all flat so we just left it there (thinking we would get it later). Lately, Clayton has been saying that he wanted to start mountain biking again and he really wanted his bike fixed up. So, for his birthday I decided to surprise him. I had my parents bring the bike up to our house and I took it to a bike shop to get it looked at. I was shocked when they told me how much it would be to fix. Not only was the seat, tires, and handle grips all chewed up from the dogs, but our smart plan to leave it in the backyard was not so smart after all. All of the gears had rotted away from sun damage (not a cheap thing to fix). But when I weighed in the fact that to replace the bike would cost 5 times as much as fixing it, I decided that was what I would do.

Here is Clayton's reaction when I gave him the bike. Just know when you're watching, the bike is fine. The gear just slipped off. ha ha

Happy 27th Birthday babe. I love you.

Our Garden.

2009-05-01T17:20:00.000-07:00

These are our box gardens. I'm so excited about all of our projects that we've started since my parents moved in. The first thing my dad said he wanted to do was get a garden going in the backyard. I couldn't wait. I went and picked out all the vegetables that we were going to plant. We have tomatoes, carrots, leeks, jalepenos, zuccini, squash, and eggplant. So far everything is going great, and we've already gotten a few tomatoes. I hated tomatoes my entire life until I tasted the ones from my dad's garden. Now, I'm hooked. I look at the garden and I feel so accomplished when I see little sprouts growing. It's a lot of work to maintain it, but it's been a lot of fun.

5 Years.

2009-04-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

How is it possible that I've been married to him for FIVE years? And then again, how is it possible that I was ever NOT with him?

5 years. It just amazes me. It seems like so long ago, and it seems like yesterday. We've done a lot of growing up together. When we got married, neither of us had a clue. Now, we just have a hint at a clue, but at least we're moving in the right direction. I remember when I first met Clayton at a dance when we were 14, I instantly had a crush on him. All through high school, through different boyfriends, through fights with friends, through good times and bad times, one thing was constant in my life: Clayton was always there. He was always the special person in my heart. I'm so thankful that he was the person meant to make my life complete because there is no one else like him in the world. He makes me laugh when I want to cry, he keeps me sane when my head is spinning like a top, and he has my heart. Here's to five more babe. You are my best friend. I love you.

We did a few different things for our anniversary this year.

First up, was dinner and a movie night. I came home from school and noticed the house was sparkling clean, there were beautiful roses on the table, and no Clayton. I called for him, and then I heard soft music coming from the front room. I walked in to find Clayton sitting on the chair with his guitar, playing a song for me. He asked me to sit down and then sang, "When You Say Nothing at All." It is the same song I learned on the guitar and sang on a tape for him for Valentine's Day while he was on his mission. I have the best husband. After that, we headed off for dinner and movie. It was a great night.

Next up was our trip to the lake. We decided to take the boat out to Saguaro Lake and camp out for the weekend. This was a definite learning experience. We had never taken the boat out by ourselves before, so I was a nervous wreck at first. But Clayton turned out to be a natural. The first night, we got out there pretty late. That was a scary experience because we had to navigate our way through the canyon in the dark. I had to be on the lookout for rocks, and I felt like the guy on Titanic, and any moment there was going to be a huge rock right in our path. We survived and made our way to the docks where you camp without any problems....except one. All the places to doc were FULL. We didn't really know what to do. We noticed that off the shore there was another dock that didn't connect to land. It was just a doc in the middle of the lake. We decided just to tie off the boat and sleep on it for the night. Just the two of us, in the middle of the lake, in a boat. Trust me, it sounds more romantic than it really was. We were so cramped and uncomfortable, but we laughed our way through it, and it turned out good. The next morning, we found the first vacant spot we could and went in to set up our tent. We spent the whole weekend on the water. It was a lot of fun. Our one mistake, in our hurried packing was that Clayton thought I got the sunscreen and I thought he got it. We ended up paying these little kids on the doc 5 bucks to let us borrow their sunscreen. Ah, memories.

Last was our trip to the mountains. Clayton and I love the mountains. So when Clayton's cousin and wife invited us to go with them to Williams, we jumped at the chance. We considered it an extended anniversary trip. It was so much fun to relax and enjoy being with each other without any other distractions. One night, we went out to eat and we just lucked into this really fun place that had a live singer. He was actually really good. At one point, he was asking for someone to come up on stage and try on his "gear". Of course Clayton volunteered ME. I was a good sport, and we had a great time.

I can't decide if he is intentionally flipping off the camera in this picture or not. Sorry for sensitive eyes.

Thanks for being you babe. I wouldn't want to be me with anyone else.

Out in the west Texas town of El Paso.

2009-04-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

This year for Easter, my mom and I decided to go to El Paso. I jump at any chance to go because it means I get to see some of my favorite people: My Grandpa, my Grandma, my Aunt Alice, and whatever cousins end up being there at the time. My Grandpa is not in the best health lately, so I try to hold on to any moments I have with him. I'm usually stuck to his side for most of the day when we're there. This trip he said something to me that I'll never forget. He told me, "I want you to keep the commandments so we can always be together. When it's my time to go, I'll meet you at the veil." So simple. Do what is right, and you'll never really have to say goodbye to the ones you love. As I go through life, I'll always keep that close to my heart because it helps me realize what is really important. No temptation in life is worth risking being with my family for eternity. Nothing beats family.

Saying goodbye to the house we LOVED to HATE.

2009-04-04T13:42:00.000-07:00

This is my parents house in Sierra Vista, Arizona. We moved into this house when my dad got transfered from Yuma to Sierra Vista for work. Let me tell you, that was a rough time. It was the first and ONLY time in my life when I thought I hated my parents. I couldn't understand how it seemed fair in their eyes to move me in the middle of the school year my sophomore year of high school. (That's a very dramatic time in a girl's life.) We moved 2 weeks before my 16th birthday. I had to leave my friends, my school, the boy I liked, and everything else I had known for the last 11 years. I was miserable, and I let my parents know it. Looking back on it now I can see that my parents never made a smarter move. It wasn't long before I realized that Sierra Vista was where I was supposed to be.

At that time, it was just my mom, my dad, me, and Clay at home. I remember looking for a house when we got into town. My dad had his mind made up that he wanted to live in the country. He didn't want neighbors. He wanted to be able to go out and get the paper in his G's (I don't think he thought it through that when you live in the country...you don't get the paper.) One day, I remember my dad saying that he thought he had found a really good house for us. We drove -for what seemed like forever- to an outside town named Hereford. We came up on this house that looked like it might fall over any minute. It was old and worn and didn't seem particularly special. But as we looked around, we all got excited with the possibilities. We moved in within the week and got to work painting and working on the yard. I can say without hesitation that I had some of the best memories of my life in that house. It's old, it's dirty, it's full of bugs, but we love it.

Our family has been through a lot in that house. Clayton and I even lived in it for a while with my parents after we got married. It was just like old times. There is something comforting and welcoming about the house that I'll never forget.

One day in February, I got a call from my dad. He said the Bureau of Land Management called him and said they decided it was time to tear the house down. (The house is on BLM property, and my parents had been renting it for the last 10.5 years). They said the house had too many repairs that needed to be made, and it was too big of a liability for them. My parents were devistated. It not only meant they had to say goodbye to the place they called home, but also that they had to figure out if they were even going to stay in Sierra Vista. My brothers and sister and I have been trying to get them to move to the valley for a long time, and this just seemed like a clear cut sign that that it was they were supposed to do. Since I returned to school, I haven't been working which has been a hard hit on our budget. So, mom and dad decided they would move in with us and help us out with all the bills until I finish school. There's no doubt in my mind that this is exactly what is meant to happen. But even knowing that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye. We'll miss you house!! Thanks for the memories.

Clay's Room.

Guest Room.
Living Room.

Dining Room/Kitchen.

The View.

My sisters Amy, Tamra, LaChae and I decided to go down for a weekend to help them get organized and packed up. It was an emotional weekend. We laughed and cried at all the memories we found that had been tucked away.

The Moving Crew.

Our New Roommates. Let's hope this is NOT Bailey's new chew toy. (We're praying the dogs get along)

Here's to new memories in a new place.

"You don't do what's popular, you do what's right."

2009-03-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

This is Glenn Beck. I will never again miss another episode of his show. Up until a couple of months ago, I had never heard of him. But I started watching him as I was looking through the channels and he captivated my attention for an entire hour. Now, I am the first to say that most things having to do with politics are way over my head. It's not that I don't care about my country, I just don't believe anything anyone says anymore. All the wasted promises and the lack of common sense makes me frustrated (to say the least).
Glenn Beck has a way of explaining things that makes sense to the average person like me. Watching his show, I go through a variety of emotions. Frustration. Amazement. Anger. Outrage. Amusement. But one thing is for sure, he gives me hope that things can be different. Things can be better.
When it comes to government, BOTH sides have made some serious mistakes. And I believe the root of all the problems is that God is being forced out. If you don't have some sort of moral standard involved when leading a country, things fall apart. If there is any question in regards to that--look at where we are RIGHT NOW. I just wonder how bad things have to get before people start to realize what they've done. It's a scary thought.
Glenn Beck talks about 12 Values and 9 Principles that our country is missing:

12 Values

Honesty
Reverence
Hope
Thrift
Humility
Charity
Sincerity
Moderation
Hard Work
Courage
Personal Responsibility
Friendship

9 Principles

1. America is good.

2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.

3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.
4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.

5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.

6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.

7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.

8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.

9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.

If we all lived by these Principles and Values, this world would be a completely different place.

No Money and a Good Time.

2009-03-08T19:27:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, we had Clayton's cousins come and stay with us. Zack (17), Zane (15), and Asya (13). We had so much fun with them. We love hanging out with kids because Clayton and I are free to be our goofy selves. One night, we took them bowling. And HOLY COW, when the heck did bowling get so expensive? When I was younger, I remember taking 5 bucks and I was good to go. Not anymore. It cost us 50 DOLLARS just to bowl one game. I was shocked! We did have a good time though. And thank goodness they made the bowling alleys smoke free because now you can bowl without getting a headache. After we were done bowling, we were out of money and out of ideas. How would we entertain 3 teenagers with no money? Then, as we were driving home, Clayton all of a sudden did a U-Turn and said he had a plan. He pulled up to this random side street in Gilbert. I was puzzled until I saw water come shooting out of the ground. It was one of those water fountain things that you can play in. We all jumped out of the car and ran straight for it. We had so much fun! Much better than the bowling. I guess in order to have a good time, you don't always have to have money (thank goodness)...just a good imagination! Good one babe. It was a blast.

I only have two words for you Jason.

2009-03-03T15:53:00.000-08:00

SCUM

BAG

Yardwork, Yardwork, and MORE Yardwork.

2009-03-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen so many weeds in your life? When we moved into our house, it was obvious that the yardwork had not been done in quite a while. Two days after we moved in, we got a letter from the HOA saying we had 15 days to get the weeds out or we would be fined. WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD, right? Lucky for me, I've inherited my mom's weird love for picking weeds. I just get into the zone and I can't stop until it's done.

Next came a more labor intensive day. Luckily I had my dad to help me. Sorry to all of you who have Sage in your yards, but I absolutely detest the stuff. For some reason, it's very popular and I see it in almost every yard in my neighborhood, but I think it's hideous. My first order of business (aside from picking the weeds) was to rip out those ugly monstrosities. We had 4 in all, just in the front yard. I was so happy to see them GONE. We also spent the day raking up all the leaves from our big trees. It was a lot of work, but after we were all done, it looked great.

Dad and Me.

For My Mama.

2009-02-24T05:45:00.000-08:00

My mom. What can I say about my mom except that I love her? She's the most amazing person I've ever met. (Who else could rock a mullet the way she did?) She sets the tone for our entire family. She makes everyone feel lucky to know her, and she makes me feel especially lucky that I get to be her daughter. Why this special post for my mom you might ask?? Because.....

IT'S HER BIRTHDAY!!

Happy birthday mom. You're one of my favorite people in the whole world.

Now, I was thinking and thinking...what can I get my mom for her birthday? What could I do that she would absolutely LOVE? What would mean more to her than anything I could afford to buy her? And then it hit me! Much to my dismay, my mom loves loves loves to hear me sing. Ok mom, this is for you. Happy Birthday. I love you.

No one can say it better than a child. I found this letter that I wrote to my mom when I was in grade school, and everything in it still holds true. Mom, I'm still glad you're you.