This week has been...rough for me. I don't want this to come off as a "Woe is me. My poor life." kind of post because I know that my blessings are many. I know that my life is amazing. But sometimes life is just...rough.
Right now, I'm under orders from the doctor to "only get up when necessary, relax, and not lift anything over 20 pounds" (which includes Van, by the way.) After a second visit to the ER due to more bleeding (and a OB out of town for the week), we found out that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage. It was basically explained to me that part of the placenta has torn away from the uterine wall. This problem can do one of two things: correct itself or result in loss of the baby.
For now, our little one is holding on strong. I pray it stays that way. We are so excited for this baby.
But, I've been aching for my other baby. Since this has happened, the women in my life have completely stepped up. I have amazing family and friends. Every day someone has taken Van for me so that I can rest. I am indescribably grateful. But my heart hurts. I miss my son. I miss his many many kisses throughout the day. I miss his sticky little hands. I miss his voice.
It's got me thinking what in the world I ever did without him. I feel like I've gotten a taste of that this week; what my life would be like if he wasn't here, and I can tell you one thing: I don't want that life. Sure, it was easier. I could sit around and have nothing to worry about but myself. Easier, but empty.
I am so thankful for my son. He's a lot of work, but he's mine. He makes me so happy, and he makes every day more shiny.
Now, I just have to get better so I can put an end to all this. Fingers crossed.
Dear Van,
Hi love. I miss you. I know you've been having fun on all of your play dates, but I can't wait for ours! I love you around the world and touching.
Love,
Mama
1 day ago
5 comments:
Hey Niki! As usual, when you're pregnant, I'm being a blog stalker. Hope you don't mind :). This is nothing comparable, so don't think I'm trying to compare in any way. But when I was pregnant with Collin I had that very same thing (although it was at the top of the placenta and was very small and so it never bled enough to make it all the way down and out if you know what I mean). Anyway, they did warn me that it might result in spotting and they kept an eye on it (although I never had to go on bedrest) and it did correct itself. For what it's worth I hope that makes you feel a little better. Also, this might be a blessing in a small way and I only say that because you're already experiencing the hard part of transitioning to two (in my opinion at least) which is the emotional adjustment of having to share your time and love between your two babies. That was the hardest part for me to get used to. Hopefully with this under your belt you'll have mastered that so by the time this little one gets here you'll be a pro and you won't have to figure it out while dealing with post pregnancy hormones at the same time. Anyway, I hope you don't think I'm being trivial - just trying to find the silver lining. My prayers are with you and I know how hard it is not to be able to pick up little Van, but just do what your doctor tells you (which I know you are) and think positively. I love ya! You can do this!
Hang in there sweetie pie! It's all in the Lords hands. He knows best and he knows what he is doing. Continue to rest rest rest and I can't wait to here what the doc says on Monday! I love you!
Our hearts ache for you. We are hoping for the best and admire your grace in dealing with this.
Joel and Rachelle Switzer
I'm so sorry Niki! I had this with Lola and had to do bed rest. Luckily my other two kids were older so it wasn't quite as hard! I know it is such a hard time. I felt so lonely, like nobody could possibly understand the fear I had. I'm glad you are having help to get through it. What a blessing pregnancy is, but I have learned there are so many different struggles you have to go through to get these precious babies here! I hope you are able to be playing with your adorable baby boy soon and that you are healed and comforted quickly. Sending you lots of love and prayers!!
Hey girl! Hang in there. You are such an awesome mom. Everything will turn out as it should. My prayers are with you. ;)
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