We'd Like to Introduce...

Our Daughter

Piper Nicole Osborn

Born February 7, 2012

8 Pounds 21 Inches

Dear Piper,

Well love, YOU MADE IT!!  I can't believe you are here.  It's the strangest feeling to have you growing in my belly for all that time, and then all of the sudden...we meet.  There is nothing like it.  You'll understand one day.  I can't describe to you how much I already love you.  You've filled in a piece of our family that we didn't even know was missing.  

Here's the story of how you came to us:

Just like your brother, you were in no hurry to come out to meet us.  I think I must make much too nice of a home for you guys in my belly because Van was 4 days late and you were 5!  Man, to say I was ready for you to be here is an understatement.  You were due on February 2, 2012.  But days later, still no Piper.  I was put on the induction list for the night of February 5, and I was so excited that your birthday would be 2.6.12 (because 2x6=12...weird, I know).  So, there I was all ready to go, we were at Aunt Amy's for Superbowl Sunday, and I get a call from the hospital saying they bumped me because there was not enough beds or nurses at the hospital for me to come down.  I was devastated.  Luckily I didn't have to wait long.  I got a call the next afternoon that they were ready for me.  

So on February 6 at 3:45pm, we headed down to the hospital.  It was a very strange feeling this time around because with Van, I went into labor, but with you, nothing had started yet.  I was having contractions, but none that really hurt.  

We got to the hospital and started the process.  For your birth, I asked Nannie, Grandma K, Aunt Amy, Aunt Tamra, and Daddy (of course) to be in the room.  I got my epidural after a couple of hours, and we settled in to wait.  Things started really slow at first.  I stayed dilated to a 2 for hours, and then BAM!  I went from a 2 to a 10 in 45 minutes.  Here we go!  You were finally ready to make your appearance.  

I always get a little bit nervous when its time to push.  All the last minute thoughts running through my head.  Will you be healthy?  What will you be like?  My first daughter.  What will you look like?  Our family is about to change forever.  It's the most exciting and nerve-wracking moment I can think of.  Well, 2 pushes and you were here!  That first cry was the sweetest sound in the world.  You were here, and you were mine forever.  

Things went by in a blur for the next hour or so.  I just remember holding you and looking in your eyes and knowing my life would never be the same.  Piper, I love you so much.  My girl.  I've got my girl.  I have big plans for us, Love.  I can only hope that we will have the same type of relationship that I have with my mom.  She and I are best friends.  I can talk to her about anything in the world.  And I look up to her so much.  I hope you will feel that way about me.  Just know that I will always, always be here for you.  I will love you no matter what.  And I can't wait for all the fun adventures we will have.  Let's be best friends, k?

Piper, I love you, I love you, I love you...all the way around the world and touching.

Love,

Mama

    

27 Weeks.

Dear Piper,

Hi sweet girl.  How is life in my tummy?  From out here it sure seems like you are enjoying yourself.  In fact, it seems like a constant party going on in there.  You are a kickin' fool.  And I love it.  I never have to worry about you.  With your brother, I used to give my belly a little nudge at least once a day, and he would kick back, and then I would know that everything was ok.  But with you, there's no guess work.  I can't go more than 5 minutes without feeling you thrashing about.  Thanks for the piece of mind Pipes.  Much appreciated my love, much appreciated.

So, you are 27 weeks today.  It's crazy to me how fast you are growing.  I think we're pretty much to the point where you could survive on your own if you decided to come super early.  (But please don't.  I'd rather you stayed in there and baked a little bit longer so you'll be nice and healthy.)  I am getting so excited for you to get here.  We've got lots of changes going on, and we can't wait to have you in on the action!

We are in the process of moving to a new house.  If all works out as planned you'll be welcomed into a house that is all our own.  For a while now Daddy, me, and Van have been living with Nannie and Grandpa.  It's been a good ride, but it's time for us to get out of their hair and have our own space.  I am so excited for the new house.  But with a new house come LOTS of stress.  We are supposed to be moving sometime in December and you are supposed to come and join our family sometime early February.  Now, I know you're not great with time just yet so I'll just go ahead and tell you...that is NOT a lot of it.  (Time, that is.)  I want to get your room perfect for you, just like I did for Van before he came.  But there's so much to do!  I'll do my best though love.  I promise.

Sometimes, it still doesn't seem real to me that you are coming.  My little girl.  What will you be like?  What will you look like?  You'll understand this feeling when you are ready to have your own kids, but there is nothing like it.  No way to describe it.  It's like all of the anticipation of every Christmas Eve night rolled into one.  I already love you, and I cannot wait to meet you.  For the time being, would you mind telling all our family and friends up in Heaven that we love them and we miss them?  (Tatum, Aunt Amy's doggie, is a new addition.  Look for her, and give her a squeeze from us.)

Well love, your brother is sitting on my lap right now and he says, "HIIIIII!" (Literally, that's how he says it--he yells it.  Especially when he's excited about the person he's saying hi to.)  Honey, we are all excited to have you join us down here.  And we hope you like us.

Love you around the world and touching.

Love,
Mama

It's a...

Wow, it's been a while.  And to make it worse, it's been a while and I left you all with a depressing post the last time.  haha.  Oh, the drama!  But that's pregnancy for you.  I promise I'm not a drama queen. (really, I promise)  


I have wonderfully exciting news to share with those of you who don't already know...

WE ARE HAVING A GIRL!

I can't even explain how excited we are.  Although, I can't say that I'm altogether surprised.  Van knew all along.  Big brothers are like that.  For the last couple months, I've been trying to teach him to be gentle with my ever growing tummy.  We've learned to "kiss the baby", "say hi to the baby", and "give the baby a GENTLE high five".  He's been precious.  And every single time I've asked him if it's a boy or a girl (doesn't matter how I phrase it) he says, "GRR".

I have to admit, in the beginning I was wrong.  As soon as I found out we were pregnant, I just assumed it was a boy.  That's what I know.  When you're pregnant, it's a boy.  UNTIL all the drama started happening.  Bleeding?  Bed rest?  What?  This has to be a girl.  And ever since then, I've never wavered.  I just knew.  I never had that with Van.  I think I was secretly nervous to say what I thought it was either way.  I mean, if you think it's a boy and it turns out to be a girl--what kind of mother are you?  I'm much more secure in the type of mother I am this time around.  I'm a silly, cuddly, (sometimes) impatient, can't get enough, gotta squeeze him all the time kind of mother.

So, what you're all dying to know....the name.

I know that a lot of people would be nervous to say the name of their baby before it's born (especially on their non-private blog), but I can't help it.  We did the same thing with Van.  As soon as we found out he was a boy, we knew what his name would be.  And I called him by name throughout my entire pregnancy.  It makes it feel more real to me, and it makes me feel closer to them.  And as far as the ever dreaded name stealing issue:  If you steal my name, I know who you are.  Someone already stole my next boy name, but I don't care.  I'm using it anyway because I thought of it first. haha.

Anyway, back to more important topics.  Her name will be Piper Nicole Osborn.  We both love it.  It's sentimental for Clayton.  Some of Clayton's best childhood memories are flying airplanes with his dad.  It hasn't happened yet, but he's never given up the dream of becoming a pilot just like his dad was.  And he never will.  Their airplane was called a Piper Cub.  It's Clayton's dream to own one.  One day it will happen, but for now we're both completely satisfied to have our own little Piper.

The story of how we told everyone:

My parents and Clayton's family are all out of town, so we just told them over Skype.  (Booooring, I know.)  So, I decided to have a gender reveal party for my siblings.  I hollowed out a bunch of cupcakes and filled it with pink filling, and then I iced them in blue and pink.  I had everyone pick which color they thought it was: boy or girl.  Then, we all bit into them at the same time to find out what color was inside.  Surprise! It's a girl :)

Yum!

 The PINK filling.

Blue and Pink icing.

Hollowed out cupcake. 

In goes the filling. 

Cover it back up. 

All done and ready for the surprise!

It was such a fun night full of all kinds of surprises. (wink, wink)  Now, I have to get myself into baby mode.  I guess I'm still in baby mode.  Never really had time to get out of it!  I'm so excited that Piper will have her big brother to look out for her and make her tough.  I know he'll be just awesome at that.  Two kids.  When in the world did I get old enough to have two kids?  I love it.

Dear Piper,

Hi love.  It feels good to give you a name, my precious little Piper.  We are so excited that you are on your way.  Right off, I owe you an apology.  I haven't written you many letters yet.  I have to be honest and tell you that I was afraid.  I was scared to death that we were going to lose you.  Part of me didn't want to get my hopes up, and then have my heart broken if you weren't ready to come down to us yet.  But you are strong.  You are doing so well, and growing every day.  The doctor told me that everything was going to be fine, and I'm trusting him.

When we went to the doctor to find out what you were, I already knew that you were a girl.  I just felt it.  Your big brother knew too.  He says hi to you all the time and gives you kisses.  Do you hear it?  I know he remembers you from up in Heaven.  He seems so excited when we talk about you, and I can just see it in his eyes, "She's coming down already?!"  I hope you know how much we all already love you.  You are the missing piece we've been waiting for.  

When the doctor had your picture up on the ultrasound screen, Van was waiving and saying hi and he blew you a kiss.  He loves you.  I hope that you will always look out for each other.  Always stay close.  You will be able to keep each other strong and you will be each other's light when everything else seems dark.  I can promise you one thing, you couldn't have asked for a better big brother.  I'll warn you, he'll probably be rough.  He likes to tackle and wrestle, but you can be tough, right?  I don't know why I'm telling you all this.  You're probably thinking, "Mom, relax.  I KNOW all this.  He's my brother, remember?"  I know, I know.

It's funny, you are kicking the bajeezes out of me as I'm writing this.  I just told you hi and that I love you.  Did you hear it?  I hope so.  Piper, my girl.  I still can't believe it.  You'll be here in less than 5 months.  I can't wait to meet you.  I can't wait to hold your tiny hands, and kiss your cheeks.  (I do too much of that, just to warn you.  Van can attest to that.  Sorry, but I seriously can't help it.  It's a real problem.)  I promise to write you more letters.  I think about you constantly, now I just have to put it on paper....or screen.  haha.  You get my point.

Well love, we'll talk soon.  More important than that, we'll SEE each other soon.  Ohh, can't wait.  I love you baby girl, all the way around the world and touching.

Love,

Mama

Out of Sorts.

This week has been...rough for me.  I don't want this to come off as a "Woe is me.  My poor life." kind of post because I know that my blessings are many.  I know that my life is amazing.  But sometimes life is just...rough.

Right now, I'm under orders from the doctor to "only get up when necessary, relax, and not lift anything over 20 pounds" (which includes Van, by the way.)  After a second visit to the ER due to more bleeding (and a OB out of town for the week), we found out that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage.  It was basically explained to me that part of the placenta has torn away from the uterine wall.  This problem can do one of two things: correct itself or result in loss of the baby.

For now, our little one is holding on strong.  I pray it stays that way.  We are so excited for this baby.

But, I've been aching for my other baby.  Since this has happened, the women in my life have completely stepped up.  I have amazing family and friends.  Every day someone has taken Van for me so that I can rest.  I am indescribably grateful.  But my heart hurts.  I miss my son.  I miss his many many kisses throughout the day.  I miss his sticky little hands.  I miss his voice.

It's got me thinking what in the world I ever did without him.  I feel like I've gotten a taste of that this week; what my life would be like if he wasn't here, and I can tell you one thing: I don't want that life.  Sure, it was easier.  I could sit around and have nothing to worry about but myself.  Easier, but empty.

I am so thankful for my son.  He's a lot of work, but he's mine.  He makes me so happy, and he makes every day more shiny.

Now, I just have to get better so I can put an end to all this.  Fingers crossed.


Dear Van,

Hi love.  I miss you.  I know you've been having fun on all of your play dates, but I can't wait for ours!  I love you around the world and touching.

Love,
Mama

Lightening Struck Twice.

Part of me has been afraid to post this because I don't want to jinx anything.  But I just realized that I need to go on faith.  And I owe it to this baby to keep a record of my thoughts just like I did with Van.  So, here is the letter I wrote to the little one when I found out I was pregnant.


Dear Baby,

Hi my little one.  I never thought I would be writing you this letter so soon.  I am sitting here in disbelief.  I can't believe you're ready to come down so soon, but I am so excited I can hardly stand it.  I can already tell that you will be quite different from your big brother.  Your dad and I tried to get him to come down to us for over 4 years, and you want to know how long you took? 1 MONTH.  Looks like you're just rearing to go.  I never thought this would happen, but I'm so happy that it did.

See, your dad and I have always had this picture in our minds of our family.  We always wanted you kids to be close.  But after years of waiting with Van, we just accepted that it was out of our hands.  We knew you would come down when you were ready and when Heavenly Father was ready to let you go.  But what do ya know?  18 months apart is pretty close in my book.

I have so many questions in my mind right now.  Are you a boy or a girl?  Will you look like Van (a replica of Daddy) or will you look like me?  What will you be like?  I'm so excited to find out.  You know what little bit?  I think you're pretty lucky.  I have some experience this time around.  Van had to suffer through it while I tried and failed at so many things as a first time mom.  Don't get me wrong, I'll still make mistakes, but at least I've got some clue as to what I'm doing.  But who knows, I'll probably take one look at your sweet little face and all my knowledge and experience will fly right out the window.  I think Heavenly Father makes it like that on purpose, so we always remember who's really in charge.

But I can tell you one thing for sure.  You will have the most amazing big brother.  He will love you and watch out for you your whole life.  I hope you will be best buds and always depend on each other.  My brothers and sisters always kept me where I needed to be.  I've leaned on them many times in my life when I didn't know where else to turn.  Please stay close to your brother.  You will keep each other strong.

Little one, I already love you.  I'm so excited for what's to come.  Please stay safe in there.  I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Mama

Perspective.

I was reading a friend's blog, and came across something that got me thinking.


Elder Orson F. Whitney said: 'No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. … All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.'"

"Someday when we get to the other side of the veil, we want more than for someone just to tell us, “Well, you’re done.” Instead, we want the Lord to say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant."


Thanks for the reminder MaryAnne.  


When we go through hard things, there is always a reason for it.

Waiting.

My mind is racing, and yet I can't seem to think of anything all at the same time.

What's going to happen?

Was it something I did?

Is there anything I can do?

Why is this happening?

On Friday afternoon, I was rushing around trying to get everything ready for Van's birthday party that night.  I wanted everything to be perfect.  I had all the presents bought, the decorations were ready, and I was just starting the cake.  I had to make a last minute run to Fry's, and when I got home I went straight into the bathroom.  (Dang my small bladder.  Pregnancy surely doesn't help with that.)  And then, the day changed.

Blood.  Everywhere.  I panicked.  I never had one spot with Van.  I didn't know what to do.  I started bawling, got so upset that I threw up.  It came out of nowhere.  No pain.  No cramps.  I called my mom in, and she immediately got on the phone with the doctor.  My doctor wasn't in that day, so they told us to go straight to the ER.

We rushed to the ER, only to wait...and wait....and wait.  Finally the doctor came.  They asked a million questions, gave me an IV, took blood, did exams, and an ultrasound.  This was probably the best part of the day.  As soon as she put the ultrasound screen where I could see it.  I saw the baby.  And I saw the heart beating and little arms and legs flailing around.  Best sight in the world.

So, at least the baby was alive.  But, no answers as to the bleeding.  I was sent home with instructions to stay in bed, drink plenty of fluids, and not lift anything.  Not lift?  I have a one year old.  Don't know how I'm going to manage that.

The bleeding continued all day Friday, slowed on Saturday, and pretty much stopped Sunday night.  But while the bleeding stopped, the cramping got worse.  I'm still having them off and on.  For now, I'm just trying to  relax (trying) and not think about it.  My mom has been Van's surrogate Mama.  I'm so thankful for her and for all the friends and family that have been praying for us.

For now, I guess that's all I can do.  Pray.  And wait.